Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Whaddup Now

Life without a pcphone....i swear! It's worse than survivor! Ok not that bad but still. I'm glad I got to see how DEPENDENT I was to that phone. It was my crack! My pcphone was my:
*SMS/MMS messenger
*Task Manager
*Web Browser
*Shopping List / Jot Notes
*Sometimes my camera

So my phone losts it's GSM signal...and I did some research on how to update it. With caution I proceeded to upgrade my ROM. The minute the upgrade failed at 0%, my phone bricked out on me. Well it pops up in bootloader mode and recognizes a USB cable. So now it is my project. But in the mean time I need to buy a replacement (found one for $225, but I'm cautious)...or get a different pda/smartphone

Job Interview: Ok...when you buy a car, you want to go to the right guy, find the right car and feel pleasant after the transaction is over with or at least not leave with that raped feeling. So I had a job interview at the Naval Research Lab. I aced the phone interview and was ready to talk to them on their turf. The time was set for 1pm on the 22nd. I had a POC number and directions. So I had everything they sent me filled out, and when I got to the car I noticed the directions did not mention how to get there from 395N. Ok...I don't have a PCPHONE to lookup the address and my GPS can't find the NRL. So I attempted to call my POC. Nobody answered. Called home and was told to take 295N. Ok...doesn't sound right...called pops and got the addy. Cool...so I'm running a lil late, but make it to the visitor's center. Filled out the entry form and was told they couldn't get a hold of my POC. So they found a different number and come to find out the POC I was given was out to lunch. O.....M.....F.....G! Are you fucking kidding me? Whatever, so what now? Now I got to find/drive building 209 (they gave me a map...how nice)
So instead of these chumps coming to meet me at the visitor's center I'm gonna drive around this "yard" and find them. Cool, so there's broken glass on their roads (IDKY) and after 10mins I find the building (LandNav was never my specialty). Realizing I'm already late there is NO time for meditation. So I focus on breathing IN/OUT while going to the building as I don't want a bad interview. I step inside the renovating building and summon the 1950's elevator to come down. Eventually it reaches the ground floor. Ok I need to get to room 544B....hmmmm the elevator has 6 buttons; G, 1, 2, 3, 4, R.....OH FUCK ME SIDEWAYS! I'LL BE GAWD DAYUM'D IF I INTERVIEW ON THE FUCKIN ROOF!!! So I push 4 just incase G=1, 1=2...etc! So what is on the 4th floor? NOTHING! Now when you picture nothing you're probably thinking lighs, a blank wall/hallway. Fair enough....these fuckers didn't even have the drywall up! I saw the buildings insides! Well once I saw that all I could do was laugh! If I didn't laugh I was gonna get more and more tense...so it might not have been theraputic but that whole way down the elevator to the car and back to the house (with a much needed starbucks break on the way) I laughed and said to myself "Fuck me! I can't believe I went pass the visitor's section".

Today I wrote the recruiter letting them know where they need to improve. Directions was one, Meeting in the visitor's center is another and finally GET A FUCKIN POC WHO ANSWERS THE PHONE. So I'm still huntin for the next best thing, but I tell you what.
If you don't give a fuck about the person attempting to work for you, don't waste my time having by having me get dressed up! Fuck if I ever interview for them...i'll do it as a joke! I'll wear some worn out jeans and an I'm with Stupid polo (cuz I'm classy like dat!) and then interview!

Lasty...I'm going to hawaii to calm my nerves...Back in the day when I had money (~*Le Sigh*~) I got myself a 1st class ticket to see my good friends will and kristy get married. I can't wait to see my kuwait buddies!

Tuesday, December 16, 2008


...wow, i really don't have much to say. I don't feel like blogging but feel if I don't I will lose interest or something. Well let's see...therapy has been awesome. I've found different outlets other than my blogs and the gym to deal with my stress. As a matter of fact I'm blogging when I'm suppose to meditate for about 10 mins and chant positive words to myself. I've been given this task so that I can control my anxieties (can't i just be like brittney and pop a pill?). So I use meditation in the morning and whenever something that stresses me out pops in my head I focus on my breathing and acknowledge my thoughts but tell myself I'm focusing on whatever I am doing or breathing in and out. Bottomline, it's working and i'll be glad to let the guy know about these positive results.

Chunky Monkey - O...M...G! I think I've put on weight! I grabbed my face in the mirror and was like "ummmm....r we puttin on the holiday pounds right here?!?!?!". I need to up the cardio in my life and then at work continue using the gym.
Oh! I mentioned the p90x stuff, right? Well I just ordered it all to come in. I'm very excited to do this Jan 1st (or 3rd is when I get back from Hawaii) - April 3rd shots. It is gonna be FUCKIN FABULOUS! I may have to cut down on drinks or maybe more so me fags ~:-(

But yeah I've got some words of encouragement on facebook and will keep myself motivated and show off the results in April. FLAUNT IT DIRTY! FLAUNT IT! LOL! <-- Attention Whore

Ok for someone who didn't feel like typing I think I made a good dent. If I miss this thing after christmas I will be in Hawaii and will blog about that.


Thursday, December 4, 2008

Word of the day: Adulation

So when I hear a word I don't know now a days I'm on the computer hitting up the online dictionaries looking up said words. So I heard the word adulation, I can't remember how it was used but I'm thinking the sentence ended with excessive adulation!

Adulation: Flattery

Sentence: I find it difficult to accept compliments because I not familiar to such kindness and adulation.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008



I need for you to realize you had my heart untold
It wasn't mine to give, yet it was just as good as sold
The quirks that I have make me judge myself inside
I can be harsh, bitter and confused. Yet my ego holds its pride

But always know that I love you and believe what we have is fate
And that I don't expect it back, you don't need to reciprocate
As far as 2nd place goes, your friendship is my consolation prize
It took me time to realize that it was I who must compromise

Just know that you are the most brilliant man I've ever met
You challenge my mind and heart, so I reap the benefits
The journey life has taken us still strikes hunger in my eyes
I wonder where we'll end up? Where do our futures lie?

Letting go of a dream; that was the hardest part!
But time heals all wounds, and I found solace in my heart
I gotta wrap this up babe, and just got one last thing to say:
You are my friend forever; have a Happy Thanksgiving Day!

Sunday, November 23, 2008

AZ on hold (weekend)

New things in Life:
* My grandma moving to VA
* Therapy
* House Hunting
* Apt Hunting
* Guy Fishing

Ok so I thought that this weekend was gonna be a total 'CODE BLUE! CODE BLUE!' (this is not a drill)...I thought my grandma who was close to life support two weeks ago was ready to fly to VA. She's done some amazing recovery, but her doc won't let her fly for at least four weeks and then he'll check up with her. So she's counting the days down till she moves to VA. I was cramming family time this friday thinking that after Friday that was it...they will be stressed out and the seas won't be calm/settle till some time. Anywho, that is not the case. We def have time to prep for my grandma's arrival which RoCkS!

Therapy...initial consult went well. The guy didn't tell me to jump out his window head first and actually wants to continue to link up. So that's great! We just went over my history from childhood and I let my crazies out slowly...don't wanna scare him just yet :)
I won't see him this comin thursday cuz of turkey n stuff but i'm really lookin forward to that next visit n stuff =)

House Hunting- I must admit that I do like house hunting (till my ADHD kicks in). I like lookin at the architecture of a house and how the inside is setup. And then of course visioning walls knocked out and addin other cool stuff. So I went up to Lorton with my mom and saw this massive house. It looked nice, except they used plastic shelving and crap in the closets. That was lame and also the house was in a new housing development (Ugh! Little boxes on the hillside...little boxes made of tic...)

Apt Hunting - Well my sis wants to get outta springfield, so I'm lookin at diff apts in Arlington (townhome style) that has at least 3 floors, 2BR and 2 full baths. I'm hopin a bitchin deal comes up in the windgate community (cuz tha place is fückin fabül0us!)

Guy Fishing - Man...Heh! This sport would be real fun if I didn't have to be the asshole that says "Who did you come with? Oh well u should go find them". People should just be like "hey it was cool talkin wit you...i'm gonna walk around. Here's my number if you wanna shoot the shit sometime". Now THAT is whats up! But after clingy spice left iDid say hi to this guy who's been eyeballin me fo a minute. He seems cute so we'll see whats up.

Hope everyone has a good thanksgivin and enjoys their family ~ c!a0

Friday, November 21, 2008

Survivor Gab..(on)

Ok right off that bat, ever since you ladies took a bite from the forbidden fruit the first thought of knowledge you had was "How am I gonna get Adam to eat this?". Evil! Evil! Evil! Evil! Ok let's move onto Survivor. Now we all saw throughout the show that Randy was gonna get eliminated. Ok no problem, take a bow asshole and leave. The pure diabolical thinking of Sugar was outstanding drama that left my jaw dropping and laughing in the NCC (where I work). OMFG I fuckin loved it. Not only do you have the votes of being kicked out, but we're gonna take it up a level. Just for shits and grins, we're gonna have YOUR TEAMMATE (Bob) give you his fake immunity idol so that you can play it...and then we can all have one last laugh before you get yo shit and GO! Ohhhhh! It was fuckin beautiful! God bless DVR cuz I watched that scene 10 times from the part where Crystal blasted Randy out loud in the judging booth, to Jeff takin away his fire. Beautiful. I fuckin loved it! And man did I need this laugh! Have a terrific weekend ~*mUaH*~

Thursday, November 13, 2008


Jan 21st Bitches!!!! w00t w00t!

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

opposes Prop 8....HOWEVER!

Wow...lots of things rollin in my head! I'll blog when i get 2 work!
Ok so I get to work and see that Connecticut has passed gay marriage. So my thoughts on this. Like any new idea that you bring onto the general public you kinda wanna crawl before walking. Somethings even deal with being decent to humans. We can look at over 400 years at how changes have been made.
From Slavery to Freedom, From Freedom to Segregation, From Segregation to Integration and from Integration to the Voting Act of 1964. Equal rights don't just happen over night.

Myself, I can appreciate seeing us stepping to the right direction. I could appreciate civil unions granting two men/women the same rights as a married couple. Drop the whole word marriage out of the equation. Years from now, people (not everyone) will numb down to the idea of marriage just being marriage. WE WILL NOT SEE THIS IN OUR LIFETIME, but we have to make positive footsteps in the right direction. Now I believe people have the right to pursue happiness. So if the direction the US is taking is not what you are looking for, then go pursue happiness....why make yourself miserable? I understand fighting for your rights, but if we can get civil unions approved, then that is a HUGE step in the right direction. I will re-iterate that we HAVE TO crawl before we walk.

400 years ago, you couldn't tell the people of America that we would have a black president. Hell 2 years ago people were saying "The US isn't ready for black president". It was joked/talked about on many TV programs. Wow....I mean WOW! I love seeing progress, and this is huge. I'd also love to see the gay community make progress....ONE STEP AT A TIME. Ok, I've said what I had to say about Prop 8 & Gay Marriage.

Biggest Loser: BlindSide

No fuckin way! Did you guys catch that episode?!? Ok well I didn't eat pizza this time while watchin the show but my heart dipped when I saw what's her name...Michelle go below the yellow line. Then Brady went under the line and of course that the naive blue team is winkin like "Psssh! We got you"...But oh was Amy smart! She KNOWS that she is NOT on the friendly four. So she took one of her threats out! I sooooo think that she should just get a black shirt and head back over with Jill. Her team is gonna treat her like SHIT....At least Vicky is gonna fuck with her head. She needs to outbeat Vicky...I want her gone!

Ok, awesome episode...lots of drama (sorry Phil, I don't like those blue guys)...SHIT! Gimme last season! 1, 2, 3 PRIDE!

Sunday, November 9, 2008

New Blog....New Year

New blog, new year! Starting this December I will no longer post up my personal thoughts. I am going to jot those down in my private blog. I will keep this blog open to discuss non-personal issues, health stuff, jibber jabber shit and of course I will keep my p90x challenge results on this blog.

iNotice that when iWrite my blogs I tend to somewhat censor what is on my mind because you just never know who is reading. I've got so many thoughts that plague my mind...things that iNeed to talk with people about yet have not found that person who I can open up these inner personal thoughts to. Tiff is great, I talk to her about what is on my mind and get feedback that is just sort of...generic. It's great advice all the same but not what I crave. My sis offers good advice too.

I need someone's who was afraid to open up to others, who's been alone. Jumping into the club scene and trying to pick guys like melons ain't working. There's always gonna be something wrong with someone...that's what makes us all fuckin unique. So what is it gonna take for me to compromise and tolerate faults or flaws of others? I dunno....but this is something that I will explore and document. I do know this...There is NOTHING satisfying about a load of bread and bucket of water being handed to you. Satisfaction neither lies by handing a starving man a crumb of bread or allowing him to quench his thirst on a drop of water. In-between is that I want...Thanks for all the e-mails, chats and phone calls for those who have stuck by and helped me out. It was and is appreciated. Be safe over the holidays oO<:-D

Friday, November 7, 2008


you know...i've been pondering a lot about 2008. I'm not even done with the year (and I can't wait for it 2 b dun wit!) but I think about everything that has so far happened this year. The biggest thing this year is family.
Losing two family members within 10days of each other and then today hearing that my grandmother has broken heart syndrome. I'll get into that in a paragraph or two...That was the biggest thing this year.

Then falling in love, breaking my heart, chasing after a dream, to finally cutting the cord and moving forward (*marks one month anniversary*). I can view this as a set back, or as a lesson learned in time. Being the optomistic person I am, I'll smile look back on what it was and move forward. What I won't do is look back on what never was nor could've been. Fuck it! ;-)...

Moving from Kuwait back to DC. This was definitely a positive move. iLuv living in DC...have the best job in the world (and by that I mean, iGot the best boss and awesome co-workers...who could want more than that?)...granted job satisfaction isn't what it use to be, but oh well. As long as I like the people I work with and flexibility, I'm good!

I don't wanna forget that I am greatful for the new friends that I have in my life. Friendship is something that iLuv yet I seem to be guilty like a lot of people when I feel that it's 'out of sight, out of mind'. My real close friends (Chris & Tiff) live at belvoir, so seeing them is ALWAYS a pleasure! Frank and Brooksanne whom I've known since 12 live two blocks away from them. Real cool that I have those treasure 15miles away from me. Now to the DC District; Tuffie- I value the friendship we have and love that we can laugh/act silly bout the same stupid shit *MuAh*, Christian - You are sooo like the little brother I never had! We bullshit, talk, fight, give hugs...it's def a friendship I've not had with anyone but it's cool that we move forward past the drama n bullshit (you owe me lunch pendejo!). There are a lot of guys who've been impressionable (if that's such a word) to my life and I know over time I'll treasure those memories and allow you closer to my layers. I've made some good acquitances here since I've moved from Kuwait.

Moving back to grandma...She is officially moving to VA (Brooks, you got another republican). So the doctors have diagnosed her with Broken Heart syndrome. Basically, she's been living alone these past 4 years and recently lost her son and brother. This is very hard and she needs family. She is having trouble breathing and has difficulty walking. So now it is time to inventory the house, have her get out of the hospital, go to re-hab....two or three months later have a room setup in VA where she will be a part of the family.

She has to improve, otherwise....well she just has to improve. I think it will be great having her back in VA. As soon as she can move a tad quicker she will be able to help out around the house (so that she feels productive), make dinners and eventually go out to the library and Sr Center to play bridge and what not. So this will be happening sometime in 2009 and iHope I just hope it will be a better year that what 2008 has given us.

Ok, I'm sure i'll do anutha year wrap-up when that time comes...Oh shit! I forgot! Duh! I've been blogging for a year now! Damn...I've never done/kept up with a journal this long! iLuv it! w00t w00t! Be back in VA manana ~ c!a0

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

...back to Phoenix

************VENT BLOG******************
I swear one fuckin day I'm gonna be able to see family and know that it's not because someone is dead or in poor health. One day I'm gonna fly out to Phoenix 'just because' or LA 'just because'. 2008 has really fuckin sucked when it comes to the health department.

I'm not ready to lose my grandmother yet, but I do understand that it is a matter of time. I hate thinking that the hourglass is running against me...that the grains of sand are moving quicker and quicker! but what am I gonna do? I can't undo what's done. The only thing I can think of doing is fly over there, sit and be miserable in hopes of slowing down time.
***************END VENT*****************

Monday, November 3, 2008

Amazing Grace

One day before the election Barack Obama's grandmother leaves the Earth. It's poetic. She hung around until God called upon her. It reminds me of Charles Schulz and that he died the day before his last comic came out and he had announced his retirement.

I'm not very religious/spiritual. I actually mock organized religion for the fact that we have these groups of people that praise God and live by the word that generally for the most part practices peace and good towards mankind...YET for some reason, these groups of God loving peacekeepers have killed and killed and killed. I often wonder who's taken more lives; God or Cancer? Ok I'm digressing

I saw Barack Obama carry his speach in North Carolina after the news of his grandmother passing and when he spoke I saw a man who lost a loved one but let everyone know who she was and what she stood for. I couldn't help but shed a tear when I saw how strongly he spoke yet, the tears (something you can't control) rolled down his eyes.

I'm not a praying person (because I believe our destiny's are already mapped), but hope that his grandmother's soul is in a good place. That's all

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Halloween Weekend

...you know iWoke up on Friday...my favorite holiday! Halloween! Were you get to dress up, be who you wanna be without the fear of being judged! iLuv Halloween! It was my favorite holiday growing up (cuz I gotta get the candy! It was all about that sugar rush!!!). This year I didn't feel like dressing up and wasn't going to. I was stumped...I missed my buddies in Kuwait and was thinkin about the past Halloweens and the good times that were had =)

I miss Princess, LuLu, Will, Kristy, and Company. iDo! I miss them a lot. So how often do I get Halloween on Fridays? Exactly! Anyways I had costumes rolling through my head...Stewie! I wanna be a Stewie! Well no good...where am I gonna find red overalls? I could just go to a costume store and pick out something lame....Eck! No good....so my friend Christina left her BDUs at my place and the magic (spark) came....HOLY FUCKBALLS! I was a gay soldier for four years!!!! Four fuckin years! It was time to rock the BDUs, DIRTY STYLE!

So I sported the new "Army of One" look, and since I'm not that humble I'll own it....I WAS FUCKIN HAUTE! ~:-P (...silly!) So for dinner I met up with Tuffie, Gary and Damon at Sticky Rice and wore my attire. Apparently this soldier was making a pig out of himself (*oink oink*) and shoved everything that wasn't bolted to the damn table in his mouth (again, oink oink!). Gary if you read my blogs, Domo Arigato for dinner babes! ^_^
I wanted to hit TOWN up that night and see peeps up in there costume. Tuff n Gary had a campin trip so they didn't make it leavin me ~s0Lo~. This limited my drinks but fuck it, I can have good times. So I met up with a couple of buddies and saw some hot costumes. My favorite costume there was PATSY!!! iLuv AB FAB! (BBC). Patsy & Edwena! OMG! If I find me a Patsy next year, I will drag...I will fuckin go as Edwina if someone goes as Patsy. I'm owning it (guys, this will be your ONLY opportunity to see me drag. Thats it! Nothing against drags, but its just not my style). So anyways I had an awesome halloween and made it back safely.

The next day, I went to Stafford to finally hang with my dad on his boat. Well it wasn't undocked, it smelled of gas and iDon't like boats anyways so getting on there and hopping right off I told him OK...I went on the damn boat. Done! So I hung out for a couple hours then saw my best friends chris and tiff. We were cravin mexican food...more so the chips n salsa. CHILI's! HooooooOOOOO! So we ate, it was delicious and then headed back to belvoir.

I met up with my amigos frank & brooks. We had another halloween party. Did not do the gay soldier costume again cuz ummmm yeah...belvoir might be like, WTF!??! So had tons to drink (Patron, Patron, Patron!) and met some new peeps to hang out with (MegHan! Luv Yahzz!)
Some drama happened that night, but that's not for me to post, I just hope they find the body (kidding). Hope everyone else had a kickass weekend! w00t w00t!

Friday, October 31, 2008

In response to the Twas the night before elections SMS going around

And if you should panic and listen to peers
who can laugh and joke about the past 8 years
Ignore the false war and economy woes
Get on TV and say 'Hey that's how it goes'

Let's bring out our finest, call on Joe the Plumber
OMG republicans see us as Dumb, Dumb & Dumber
So go out and vote! Take your Dad, Sis and Momma
Be Patriotic! Go Biden! G-OBAMA!!

Thursday, October 30, 2008

More things that get on my nerves

ok...so more people who should be blindfolded, dragged into the street and shot at:

People who re-push the buttons on the elevator-
How fuckin naive can you be? If you see that the GAWD DAMN light is lit, what do you think? That the elevator is just gonna stay on the same floor until you give it futher guidance?!? What the FUCK is going through your head that you must be the "SUPERHERO" and re-push the fuckin button?!?!? IF YOU ARE ONE OF THESE DUMBASSES, PLEASE!!! U truly fascinate me! Tell me what is going on through your head??!?

I vented this with my boss and sis. Aight so lets say Christmas is like days away and I ask you what you are doing for Christmas? You say something like i dunno...opening presents, and you? I say Me and my friends are gonna go out and Carol, wanna come? You say: When?
*...blink blink...* I give you the benefit of the doubt and pretend you are talking about time and say 8pm...you reply: Thurday?
...Really??? R u fuckin kidding me? Did you fuckin forget the day you're opening presents? Fuck me sideways, unless ur a blonde and cute U R SooOOOoo not excused!

Nightclub Owners-
We're in a GAWD DAMN recession! Ur drink prices should fuckin follow the DOW bitches! Lower THEM!!!! I shouldn't hafta give head for an absolut red bull! Its just not that classy =P (i'm soo kidding!...no no...it's classy! LOL)

Sunday, October 26, 2008

From a blue day to Green

Was feelin a bit bummed at work..had 'BoB' on my mind and pulled out my iPod. Normally listen to luv songs to feed my heart/soul so it can get its emotions dun and over with.

So as I shuffle along iHit the perfect song...something I hadn't heard or played in a while. A milestone song...perfect title, awesome lyrics. Listened to it when I graduated high school, I played it...when I joined the army, I played it...when I moved overseas on my own for the 1st time...I DEF played it when I got out of the military.

Green Day - Good Riddance (Time of your life)

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth it was worth all the while

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Laaaaaa-Z Daaaaaa-Z

Ugh....today was a day that I totally could've spent all day in bed. I woke up and had an interview today. Bailed out on that and went back to sleep. I went to the dentist yesterday and had this film come off my teeth (normal?) and ummm.....yeah im not gonna blog about that but I will eventually take a snap of the latest smile ^_^

I've been huntin for another job....one that has a higher salary. I may even do a double! :-I
Yeah...I have a small shot, but I'm gonna try and ace this opportunity. I got an interview setup on the 29th with good 'ol ITT Systems! Yes...so I've contracted with ITT, but this will I believe make me an ITT Systems employeee. We'll see, it's on the 29th and its an opportunity to get my clearance upgraded to SCI! WoW! That would be awesome...oh and the work hours (r u ready for this?) 7am - 1515pm...my current job 1530-0000. Oh and both jobs are at the Harry S Truman building (Dept of State). How hot would this opportunity be? I'm trying to get my boss down there now, but I since hesitation with him. He's a cool guy to work under so I'm sure we'd be str8 as colleagues.

What else is new...got in touch with people in the past. My old roomie from Fort Hood (Mike Santellana) is doing well for himself and I'm glad to hear that. He's actually getting into IT which rocks! I can help him branch out. A colleague I worked with (Tony Williams) we were both technical recruiters in Kuwait and now he is stateside a hiring manager for Iraq. I was glad to hear the progress that both have made.

Aight guys...no new news in the LuV LiFe department. I quit chasing rainbows though! =)
...and started dating (no one special yet tho). ~ c!a0 ~

Monday, October 20, 2008

Word of the day: Dream

Roget's 21st Century Thesaurus, Third Edition

Main Entry: dream
Part of Speech: verb
Definition: conjure up scenario

Synonyms: be delirious, be moonstruck, be up in clouds, brainstorm, build castles in air, conceive, concoct, cook up*, crave, create, daydream, devise, envisage, fancy, fantasize, formulate, hallucinate, hanker*, hatch*, have a flash, have a nightmare, have a notion, have a vision, hunger, idealize, imagine, invent, long, lust, make up, picture, pine, search for pot of gold, sigh, stargaze, sublimate, think, think up, thirst, visualize

Roget's 21st Century Thesaurus, Third Edition by Barbara Ann KipferCopyright © 2008 by the Philip Lief Group. CITE THIS SOURCEPRINT

I was trying to think of another word for 'make up' and when I see the synonyms that go with dream I think to myself...it's perfect. The 'Search for pot of Gold' synonym reminds of a poem (I threw it away dammit!) I wrote about chasing rainbows. To 'be up in the clouds'...'crave'...'long'..'lust'. Like I said, good word!

Sunday, October 19, 2008

weekend madness

we need longer weekends! Why were these issues not brought up in the debates. So thursday night was cool...ordered 2 10" topping loaded pizzas from dominos...ate one for dinner and to top that offi didn't workout (Bad bad dirty!) cuz Antron was gonna go out to Apex n i said i'd meet him up there. So I saw him and sum buddies of Cameron out there. For the record, I don't care for Apex...I'll go but egh! not so much my style. The company there was cool tho. Inhaled the second pizza on the ride home and slept well.

So Friday comes along and the weather is aight. So round afternoon time my cousin n I headed out to Great Falls and did a cool 6mile nature hike. It was awesome...Pocahontas like (Can you paint with all the colors of the wind?). Beautiful trails and trees! Spectacular views...its always great to get away from it all and just sort of sit back, breathe in the crisp air and take in all of nature. I don't draw but I could totally see myself out there sketching what I see. So after the hikin trip we craved food. Mmmmmm......MMMcDonAllllLLllLLLd's! yes yes, so McFatty had himself 6 nuggets fries n a coke (shut up! It was diet!). That night I avoided DC n headed up to Belvoir to hang with good friends.

How many freakin shots of rum did I have? Psssssh! We killed 1.75ltr so yeah, no clue! Had the freakin munchies, ate a slice of cheese pizza...mucho chips n salsa and whatever else wasn't fuckin bolted to the table. So oh yeah...if ur doin the math: 2 pizzas, McDonalds, Belvoir Buffet...these do NOT equal a 6mile hike! So hello 10mile sunday! I was gonna do 12, but we'lll see what happens.

Saturday was kewl. I spent the afternoon with Cameron and Gary eating brunch and then shooting pool. It was fun....lots of tequilla makes for an interesting game! We saw Erica there and we ended up stayin till the end of her shift! w0w! LOL! FreakIn w0w! So went back to my place to do some more cleanin...had a kick ass nap and then prepped for dinner. Rob and I were gonna meet Gary, Cam and his friends/socials up at Thai Chef. The food and company was phenominal! I met my future would be wife in another universe, Teresa (HUGS n Kisses BABE!)...Rachel who OMG has lost so much weight she's even more gorgeous!...I also saw Natasha there, but she bolted out early so I was like "It was awesome seein u, see ya in another 6 mos"...tee hee! So the night was taking us to Buffalo Billards but yeah..umm not so much!

The bouncer checkin IDs wouldn't let Teresa in cuz she had an expired ID. Ummm....fuckin lame! So we went next door to this bar playin good music n got smashed there. It was an awesome night....some good pics that I can't wait for my new fruit fly to post!! wooooo hoooo!

Sunday went home and initated a Lucy pumpkin. Mom did her Snoopy pumpkin today and it turned out awesome

so yeah the weekend was cool....I'm at work now. Cancelled my myspace account (Fuck you Tom for all your sponsors that feed on people's personal lives...luv yah facebooK!). Aight I gotta go stretch...10miles! LETS DO IT!!!!!

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

I need a drink!

For all those joe 6-packs reading this blog with a drink in ur hand, MAVERICK!

Systems Engineer

...well I passed my face-face interview! I applied for a Sr. Systems Engineer but am being offered a Systems Engineer (translation: less money)

So we definitely have some Pro's and Con's.... I like the M-F schedule, the vast training/education I'd pickup...it's in Arlington and right next to TWO starbucks! ;-D
The bads...ugh! Morning Hours! YUCK! LOL! Salary, I'll have to dress-up everyday (dammit), definitely will have more work!

I'm thinkin of this Seinfeld episode where Kramer is telling George to listen to what the little man inside you has to say and George is like "my little man is an idiot!"

This position could open the door to greater possibilities however comma do I wanna stick it out with IT? I think about my therapist at Fort Hood telling me...You can play a weaker mind and win a game of chess 90% of the time or play a challenge until you win! I know that I will have to crawl before I walk and walk before I run and run before I get the car keys and go 0-60 in 4.78 flat! I definitely have food for thought these next 48 hours.

I talked with my Mom and Dad about it and have their support. I wanna talk to my bud in cali but can't since my state of mind isn't where it needs to be, but know I would have his support if I talked to him. *BAM*...Fuck me! I need to talk to Chris and Tiff!!! That would help out a TON!!!! I'll do lunch with them tomorrow...I really REALLY need Chris's input.

I swear, "if I could just snap my two fingers and know everything their was about computers, I'd do it". Ok...i'm rambling...lemme end this blog and seriously think about this. I'll post my decision up ~ LataZ

Sunday, October 12, 2008

back to life...back to reality

Sum people get 4days weekends....some people get monday off for this columbus guy and then well my weekend is over with... =P

Thursday night I met up with my sis at cap city brewing. We had sum heavy discussions on that cunt..*AheM* excuse me, potential VP Palin. And if uLuv Palin, click the X the right corner of this window and get a fuckin life. ~;-) *Just Kidding! LOL.....(or am I?)

Woke up Friday morning to watch some court in Clarendon. The mood was right, sunny day...blue skies! The judge was suspending tickets, it felt right! Like we were gonna get a disney outcome, go to IHOP and laugh merrily like the white peeps on TV do. Well the judge my sis got for parkin in a handicap spot was a lil handicap herself (e.g. - retarded). Ok, my sis was wrong for parking in a handicap spot, but ummmm a $500 ticket?!? That is like borderline rape right there....so n e ways, ok. The cop was there explainin his case in whatever foreign language he was speaking (the court did not provide an interpreter). So after ESL was done pronunciating his case, it went to my sister who knew she was wrong but was looking for some slack. The old dumbass..i mean "handicap" judge said "You know you're not suppose to park in a handicap spot". My sister and I must have telepathy because we were both thinking the same thing "Yeah, no shit bitch...that's why I'm here isn't it". So yeah, old handijudge said pay ur $500 and my court costs....NEXT!

Wow...FüCkIn WoW! So ok, no disney ending for us and breakfast wasn't that great either. My dad took it well. He was with us and his reaction was "Oh well....Who wants to go to the boat?"
So he was done grieving! LoL my sister...yeah, not so much!

Friday night I wanted to spend some time with my friends at Belvoir. So I set that day for them. Chris & Tiff for Dinner n a Movie...Then Frank and Brooksanne for drinks. Frank and Brooksanne had some family issues and not feeling great so I hung out with my best friends and their kids. Had some drinks, BBQ and watched Back to the Future (ahhhh....Classic!)
Force fed sweets (Grrrr...had some oatmeal cookies and apple pie, which I'm totaly workin off today on 7mile Sunday!)

Left around 10ish and did plan B - Headed to TOWN. I knew Cameron wasn't gonna be their to watch over princess, so I had to be responsible and not get trashed. I stopped at Nel's for a drink...met up with Mauricio there and then went to TOWN. Good crowd...good crowd. Met some guys and tooks some numbers. That was cool. Saw Kent (who ummm...I hadn't seen in a min i guess. Chewed his A$$ out for not txt'n and then myself for not keepin up). Friday was a good night.

Saturday I had a lunch date with Eddie. He seems pretty cool. We went to Cap City Brew, iHad my Pentagon Pear Chicken Salad (yummy) and then we walked around the area, headed to the dog park (he likes dogs, very cool) and then called it an afternoon.

I missed my dog after that, so I headed to Spgfd and saw shadow. He's doin OK... He keeps biting this bump he has near his ass and if he keeps pickin and pickin it He's too old for surgery and according to my pops the right age to meet St. Peters....PETA folks, disregard that last line ^_^....Saw my sis and hung out with her for a lil bit. I wanna move out of my place before my lease expires (1FEb) so I'm keepin an eye on townhomes. She'll take the basement so I'm looking actively. Gary and Cam are actually thinkin about a 3BR master suite townhome in DC. Well until I get some convo about that (alcohol free) then it'll be just that....a thought. I'd like to live with them and have our show...3 gay guys livin in the DC area, find out when friends stop being polite and start being real...RealWorld: DC (my gay princess ass would tear that confessional booth up n shit!!! THEY DON'T RESPECT ME! UGH!!) LOL!!!!!

Fuck, i'm pullin a kathy griffin...where the fuck was I?!? Oh yea! Sat afternoon...went home after hangin out with Sis and prepped for TOWN. My friend Christina and her friend Izzy wanted to catch some drag. Sooo Coool, we did just that...I met up with J and we had some good times. Some more than others, but thats a hooooooole nutha blog in my private section (oooh yeah! the juicy unrated, deleted scences that I can not post on this blog! U know who u r!~). Left the club @ 3ish to Annies. Saw my boi Tyson up there after we were done eatin then headed home.

So its Sunday...my place should be yellow taped off its so fuckin messy. My laundry is done and all OVA the house. And I gotta tidy up after hostin. So I guess that was my weekend in a nutshell. Now I'm at work and its 530....Hooo Hummm.....6 hours left! LOL!

Friday, October 10, 2008


...on the economy
Gov/Pres Bush: If I could just snap my two fingers and make all this go away, I would!

My jaw dropped when I heard him say that, and from now on I will use that Bush witticism ;)

Monday, October 6, 2008

SIR! Put the fork down...Step away from the plate!

Biggest loser tip: If yo fat ass is hungry at night (when u not suppose 2 eat) get sum sugarfree gum!

Yeah right! If I'm craving a peanut butter banana sandwich and glass of milk, a stick of gum is not going to satisfy my craving *...blink blink...*

... IT'S NOT!!!

...*smak smak smak*...ok, so it is! wheee 5 calories too! Well this may help take care of my buddah belly. The last piece of food I can eat is at 11pm (right after my workout which is usually 2 granola bars, string cheese and a fruit)

Thanks for the tip Jillian! :)

Brown paper packages tied up with strings...here are some things that just piss me off


This list will be edited QUITE frequently I imagine! (For whatever selfish, intolerable or just plain stupid reason I feel like listing an asset you got, DEAL WITH IT)

1.) People who ask you something and don't bother listening! Ok a good example. I work Sun - Thur from 330pm - 12am. So let's say I tell you this maybe one or two times....It's Tuesday around 9pm. You send me a message that says one of two things (or maybe both!)
--------- a) Are you working today
--------- b) What time do you get off today
--------- c) All the above
...The only exception to this rule is on Sunday, and that is only because if I do take a holiday it will most likely be on a Sunday

2.) People I don't know who message/IM/or walk up to me and say (or write): OMG! You're a fuckin hottie! I'm a 27 year old who's heard this like what...8 or 9months of my life. SO YOU FUCKIN PEOPLE either
--------- a) Scare Me
--------- b) Are Shallow
--------- c) Need to work on your "ice breakers"
...If you're a family member, friend or been a buddy of mine for some time and you say it, then it's a compliment because we know of each other. And if that bothers me, then I just need to learn how to take a compliment :-)

3.) Republicans! LOL! And I'm not gonna elaborate!

Thursday, October 2, 2008

wasted away again in bloggeritaville...

...searchin for my lost shaker of salt! Well it's been a while since my last blog. I hurt Marlon's feelings in my last blog, so I moved it to my private section.

Ok, so here's the thing. I try to put the peoples feelings in my life into consideration, but at the same time I gotta continue blogging what is on my mind. I choose this as my healthy outlet. Take these blogs like a grain of salt. I enjoy going back and reading what I wrote almost a year ago.

California....ahh....in the private blogs. The feelings I have in this twisted heart of mine: Love, Lust, Confusion, Sadness, Emptiness, Content, Excitement. Sounds almost bipolar! It won't work, but lets just be friends. Lol....*smiles and rolls his eyes*. I'm trying. I've let go a little because I need to treat him as a friend. Love is fucked up...your heart wants one thing and your head totally tells you something different. I find that when I confront myself in the mirror it helps me out tho. That and music! Nnnn eeeee ways. Thats whats up with that (NOt A GaWd DayUm thing!)

Whats up right now...well my $$$ is stuck with NASDAQ:AAPL (and belive me when I say, fuck technology! I'm done with it). I'm gonna wait till 3rd Qtr Earnings come out (so if you haven't bought an iPhone or iPod product yet, sell your soul and bow down to your corporate masters like RIGHT NOW!....GO!!! I'll wait.....) Thank-You! Now lets jam to our iTunes and move the fuck forward. My real job is going well...we're not as busy as we were this summer. The guys iWork with still rock and we're all waiting on the holidays. Thanksgiving I'll be here Thurs/Fri...and Sat/Sun in houston. Christmas I'll be in Hawaii and layover a couple days in LA to see my grandma (and before n e 1 rolls there eyes, he'll be in FL celebratin his son's 8th bday)

2008 has been a crazy year (coming back to the US, Marlon, Making friends in DC, Losing Family, Fucking myself mentally, US: Economy)....I'm ready for some CHANGE~!

...n e thing else new? Hmmmm....think think think....Oh, I'm looking for a townhouse in the Arlington area...and an investment property in Dale Shitty. Test drove the Genesis and fell in LuV with it! Got something else besides bloomberg to watch! OMG! iLuV survivor: gabon and Biggest Loser!!!! Amazing Race, Family Guy, SImpsons, American Dad, 90210...ETC!
My guilty sin/pleasure is ordering Dominos (2X Tuesday) and watching/cheering the biggest losers. Nothing so wrong could feel so right! LOL! Ok I'm kidding...i workout while watching that show....*PSSSSH* LMFAO!!! No I seriously order pizza, ok! Did you catch Survivor last night? Holy shit! The girl...what the fuck is her name...uhhhh Paloma looked just like this chick I use to like (Tania)...even her laugh and facial expressions were the same...even humor! Lol! It was freaky! And funny cuz gawd damn ladies! Grow ur own fuckin personality! The "BitCh" personality went out in the 80s. Try mixing it up...like "cute", "Adorable" and "Interesting". I mean if you got a hot body I guess you don't hafta be interesting, cuz really...who the fuck care what you think? LOL! OK OK! I'm done being a fuckin PIG :-P

Ooooo OOOH! Tina Fey as Sarah Palin! OMFG! Does my heart not beat for that chick! iSwear the only reason iLuv that chick is cuz she reminds me of Elaine from Seinfeld (Julia Louis-Dreyfus). I def don't agree with her simpleton views of gay marriage (and hope one of her kids turns out gay, so she can grow some understanding and tolerance)...gObama!

Aight lemme wrap this up cuz I just poured myself a red bull vodka....*ahem* THE END!

Monday, September 22, 2008

CaliFo...Luv the state!

*BAM*...like a nail on the head. Ok I went to Cali with low expectations..left w/a cracked heart and found the axe to finish the job. So this is a lose/win situation. I said that if this relationship did not work out, I would walk out of it knowing I had the upper hand and gave it my all. I probably gave more than my all, but hey if you go out...go out in style B-)

So insecurity...I've actually read blogs, books and have been trying to understand myself. I read a little bit on cognitive behavior (egh...got bored), narcissism (OMG! Soooo me!) and finally insecurity (whoa! me too!). I laughed because I thought to myself...an insecure narcissist! What a fuckin oxymoron! LOL! Well not really...when one feels as though he may not be good enough for others, he must learn to love himself. And there is a healthy balance of love and when you cross that line, you become narcissistic.

I've taken small steps to overcome the brick wall of insecurity. My blog I use to exploit my vulnerabilities. I pour out my emotions. Growing up I didn't stick up for myself. I was bullied and got bullied as opposed to getting in fights. I played soccer when I was a kid, but wasn't great and because I did not feel (I may have received, but I didn't feel) encouragement I gave up. I choose not to participate in organized sports for the fear of rejection and failure.

A lack of teamwork and sportsmanship has built part of my personality. Still I find comfort in the true and good friends I am blessed with. Chris, Tiffany, Adam, LuLu, Will, Jen, Kristy, Cameron and BB. iLuv the acceptance that I get from you all and that you take me for what I am. Spoiled, Self-Centered, Impulsive, Thoughtless and Manipulative. ~LoL~ Ok, we should get into that.

So Cali is still beautiful. I flew in, spent time with my grandma...got myself some new shades B)and then checked into my Fab hotel. Met Marlon up for dinner and we had some good convo. It wasn't anything heavy but we both knew nothing would happen while we were both in different locations. Cooooool...No problem. So we ended the night and made plans to meet up tomorrow after he finished his laundry. Saturday morning I went on a hike while he was doin laundry and saw a sign that said "Watch out for bears". My eyes got wide and picked up a couple pine cones and headed back to the car. Yeaahhh...im not gettin fucked up by no bear! LOL!So I called him up after my journey and he was still doing laundry. No problemo, I'll link up with my cousins...when ur done we can do Universal City....couple hours pass and I told him not to rush, that I just hang with my cousins and we could link up tomorrow or something. So he apologized and said he'd try to finish up.

It was about 6ish and I was thinking...man, here I fly all the way from DC fo this nigga here to do laundry. Ok...I c, you know what...My best friend chris's mom is in town. I'd rather spend time with them...I'm catchin the early flight back. Fuck laundry man! I got important shit to do to! Fuck, I'll fly home early to clip my toe nails! So I txt'd him sayin i made it back to the hotel and was packin my bags to catch the early flight. Had some things in DC that needed to be taken care of.

Hmmm...that got his attention. So he didn't believe me for shit and was on his way over here. So he came and we had a nice long walk and talked. We talked about how i live in my world and don't put myself in other people's shoes, how impulsive I was to buy this ticket and show up two weeks later, how thoughtless I was because he was at his place cleaning up and cooking dinner for us tomorrow and what else...oh yes, how spoiled I am....(DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH!) and my personal fav...how manipulative I am.

LOL! Ok Did i get sum tuff answers or what. Now if you've known me for 8 seconds or longer than u should know right off the muthfuckin bat that I am a muthfuckin spoiled princess! Yes GAWD DAMMIT! I spoil myself! I'm stayin at the Ritz-Carlton, and we're walking around streets of mansions....UM YES DUMBASS!!! I am spoiled! Ok, so no disagreement there...movin on! Thoughtless...I said that. After he said the dinner thing I said, wow...so I'm thoughtless! Interesting. Thanks! (He forgot smartass now that I'm thinkin about it...and sarcastic) but ok moving back to thoughtless. Ummmmm....ok let's see...I've flown to Cali 2X to see you, sent you flowers when you got a new apartment and left work when you gave me word you were in my area. Ok...ur turn! What do you got? I'm sure I'd love to hear this answer! It should be nothing short of enlightening! Impulsive. Yes....this is soo me. I see something and I go for it. I'll weight the pro's and con's later. This has bit me in the ass as many times as it has rewarded me. I'm sure people who think a lot about something can say the same about missing out on stuff.Living in my own world. I like this one...cause this is something that iDo acutally need to work on! I don't really put myself in other people's shoes and actually would like to work on that.Finally! You got something right and I'm willing to improve on that (but not for you, for myself). Last and again my favorite....Manipulative!

Wow! FuckIN WoW! You've got some gawd damn muthfuckin nerve! Wow! I'm smart...I'm clever, but manipulative. I would really like some examples.....PLZ o PLZ gimme sum examples!!! PLZZZZZ! Seriously! You said that I am always like two steps ahead of a situation. That is not manipulative, that is being clever...maybe even cunning! But manipulative! OMG! Mutherfucker! LoL! Shiittttty......shittttttttty choice of words (especially for a man with a vast vocab as yours)

So I let that melt in my head...we hung out sunday at Santa Monica, The Grove and then the observatory in Griffith Park. So he asked me what I wanted to do that day. I said that I wanted to go to his place and see where he lived. This was not just the icing on the cake..this sealed the enveloped, stamped it and addressed it 2 sumone who gave a fuck! He said "No, maybe next time". Then he asked if I was upset and I looked at him and said whatever. So he knows that when he's in VA that he has a key and place to stay. Why? Because that is what people who love each other do. Like I said...Icing on the cake. Like maybe next time I'll be on my best behavior to get a tour of the apartment....Nah, fuck you! Keep your lame ass apartment to yourself. So after the observatory I looked at my watch and was like hey I need to see my grandma before I leave. He was like "ooooh man! I wanted to show you this place real quick"...I witted back "Maybe next time" =)....GawD iLuv bein Qwik! LOL!

So once he parked I said I had an awesome weekend, thanks. He then talked about how we both saw some things about us and that now that we have a better understanding of our foundation we can build off of that. He said a lot of other things, but damned if my ADHD didn't get the best of me and tuned him out. I was actually thinking of the right thing to say...so when he ended with "You know what I mean?" I nodded and said "You know what...I'm glad I made this trip, because....I don't feel lost". We both hugged and I gave him a small kiss on his cheek. He said that he still loved me and a tear rolled down my eye because the next words out of my mouth in his ear was goodbye.

The plane ride home sucked...I definitely was feeling loss that trip home. However the day after! LOL! I woke up and linked this to insecurity!!! So now that I've learned and got closure from this situation, I will dust my shoulders off and keep my head up. For the feeling is not defeat.
M~ If you read my blogs, I want you to find the warrior you are looking for. I want you to find someone of the same ilk. Someone who doesn't care if you don't give him a card/call on his bday. Someone who doesn't care if you get back with them 3-4 days later you get a call from them. Someone who's not as emotional (and that's not a bad thing! You'll find him!).You're sexual chemistry is awesome, your besos *mmmmm*, you have deep, intellectual conversations, have a great job and an awesome physical appearance. You will find what you are looking for and when you find him...don't let him go. The feeling of love is what we talked about...it hurts, its fun...its CRAZY! And I just can't wait to feel it again =), be safe M ~*AdioS*~

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

CaliForNia LuV

Ohhhh the excitement! So ok OMG how many of you have had your head in the sand and have NOT been paying attention to what is going on in the financial world??? OMG! Hello! iHave!
So ok, when Lehman Brothers Holdings (LEH) announced that they were having problems who sold ALL their stock before RED Monday came? Oh fuckin yeah! I said it...iLuv hearing the advice on TV, "the stocks will go up, people just need to ride it out..."

Ummmm yeah, that sounds very wise, educated and....oh wait! Who's are we talking about here? Cuz my boys will come home if they see trouble on the front...they will not do the Bush thing and "hang around"...nope my dollars make cents! They know when to come back home. And when to recruit more friends ^_^

So, lucky me I did "OK" this month in the NYSE. Well enuf that when I land in LA, I'll have my luxury car and drive to the Ritz-Carlton. Pop a bottle of Bolli and sip. *aaaaaahhhhh.....tastes good!*. So this trip is going to be fun and hopefully bring some closure to this huge chunk of my heart. Ok, so Marlon and I had like stopped communicating for like a month...after 3 days of not hearing from him I was thinkin "Huh...ok, He'll call later"...3 days --> week...ummm, WTF? one week --> two weeks "Aight...fuck this nigga, I'm done!" Unbind, Unleash, Relinquish, Release..
week two --> week 3 listen to Allure & 112 all cried out....put myself through this misery and then it dawned on me. Fuck this! If I can't be happy with him...then I'll be happy without him. Week 4 - Listened to MJB - Just Fine. That weekend I got an e-mail from him. It was poetic but there was a line in there that upset me and no matter how I read it I can't see what "he meant"...: But some of us must suffer and sacrifice for our axis to continue on its natural cycle. Therefore, I sacrificed my connection to you knowing that I enjoyed your company, your conversations, your heart, and mostly your spirit

Now I'm reading this e-mail with tears down my eyes and I see this in there and thought. OMG! There it is...I'm free! I experienced release...the shackles were unleashed! So I didn't reply to the e-mail because I thought to myself....Huh..well if someone wants to suffer and sacrifice, who am I to interfere with that? So I got a txt 4 days later and was like, Ok lets get this over with. So I wasn't upset...I was cool n calm and called him up. Left a message with him to give me a buzz

So here's the deal...I can't put myself through that again. I want more than a friendship. I can't have a relationship where i'm 80/20 or 20/80. We talked a lot and in the end I told him that I wanted a serious relationship. If he was here in DC this wouldn't be an issue. We would be together and live happily ever after. This isn't the case...and I can't help but me.

I'm normally an optimistic person and smile a lot. But I'm not going to lie...I think this trip to Cali is going be just what I need. A dose of reality. When the trip is over with I will go home alone. So I'm telling you guys before I tell him that this is how it is. I have to withdrawl my offer. If he decides to move to VA, and I'm not involved with anyone we can start dating and see where it goes. We'll see what happens...I was gonna fly in at night and do dinner with him. This left me with an unpleasant feeling of depending on him. Now here is some hypocracy for you...I told him to trust me, that I would not let him fall....Yet i have this feeling of unsecurity...uncertainty going there...and if something freaks me out or pisses me off I need to depend on me. I've got to depend on me. Would I like to think that if I close my eyes and fall he would catch me? Of course, duh! But I feel that I put more of an effort than he does. I mean he knows that when he is in VA he has a place to stay. I don't get that vibe with him. This trip will help me understand if I'm wrong....BODY LANGUAGE!

I'm not gonna go blinded by love. I'm going to pay attention. And again most likely get closure. My cousin's bday is Friday so I'm gonna see what he wants to do. If I don't link up with Marlon on Friday that is totally cool! I wanna go to CityWalk anyways! LOL! Hope you guys have a fantastic weekend! I WILL! LA! TOMMY BURGERS!!! w00t w00t!!! Tacos off chevy chase! (Glendale, CaLi! u know wassssup!)

Sunday, September 14, 2008

AWESOME weekend

This weekend was great. Thursday night I was pretty whipped and had no desire to go out. I had grabbed bout a weekends worth of food from happy hour (thanks ITEQ!) so that took care of bfast n lunch friday. Friday I wanted to go house hunting...the weather was crappy and iLuv lookin at properties when the weather isn't great (look at props when the weather sucks or if its raining hard! Yes! find those leaks!!!)

So mummy didn't know where she hid her mls key so ummm yeah, no mris access for me! lol! So I saw a couple props from the outside then hung out with my friend tiff. Ok so en route to my friend tiff's place EMC calls for an interview...sSHIT! Pull the FuCk ova! LOL! So I did the interview on the phone with an engineer and did very well. OMG guys! This job would be a senior slot over diff agencies with the dept of labor. Sooo HAUTE ;-D

Ok, so after doing fairly well with that interview, they said a face-face would be coming soon! Cool, so heading over to my friend tiff's place we meet up head to Tau Tau for some good füken chinese and then to potomac mills (Ugh! I h8 going south of spgfd). So while at PM i get another interview phone call for a position that would get my clearance upgraded again! I told the dood ok, im at PM so it may be noisey. OMG, aced that interview too! Setting up a Face-Face. I told both of them friday is a no-go as I am going to LA.

LA will be cool....I need to set some things str8 with my possible other half (that's a different blog tho). So hung out with my best friends partied at their place. Well we actually went to my friends of 16years two blocks over (distance rocks) and got drunk over there...my poor...poor friend Chris doesn't really drink and got roughly introduced to Vodka red bulls. Yummy! So guess who was worshipin the pocelain god this weekend? w00t w00t! not me (Go Dirty!)

Saturday came and I was ready for King's Dominion...I only had to bring three peeps and we'd leave at my place by 6pm to get there by 8 and ride as many rides as possible b4 11pm (when they close the rides down). It was cool, a park full of gays...GIMME GIMME GIMME! So Rob was good, he got by 15mins early. Cool! Took care of parking and then I get a txt from Christina sayin "I'm gonna b a little late! Gimme til 7".

Ok this is NOT cool...NOT COOL! I compromised and thanked her for makin me look like an asshole by givin her till 630. So I was hungry. Rob and I made a taco hell run and ate. I told Rob we're leavin at 645 no matter what. So 645 came, I got the phone call and told her to meet us down there.

I told Rob, this is why I don't have friends! And I'm totally cool with that. I have less disappointment in people. Really how much respect do you have for a friend if you think you can waltz in an hour late? None what so ever! If you have issues (family, personal, or whatever) you politely cancel and say "Let's make it up later". The avenue she went put me in a spot and makes me look like an asshole. Well we left and she turned around not wanting to drive 3 hours for the park. I told Rob that I wasn't going to get upset about this and will deal with it Monday, or right now as it were. So let's see...two weeks ago I'm a dick for not letting her stay in my condo Tues - Sat, get an e-mail wishing me bad karma and this weekend nothing but disappointment.

This is bogus, now before I paint this picture of all the negative sides of Christina I will end it with this: She has a big kind heart, is spontaneous and if it looks fun she'll do it with you. If you have a problem she will listen to you, stand by your side (even if you're wrong) and give generally speaking good advice. That is her good side. It's the child like behavior that boggles me down, yet I enjoy her youthful outlook on life.

Ok so after that lil bit of drama we head to the park....CHEESE!

Nice shot! iHad no idea the group of people we'd see there. I knew that Cam would be there Rob prolly would too! *Pssssh* they brought the DCBoyz wit 'em! I could name maybe 5/6 guys in this pic, but all of them were TONS & TONS of fun! I was laughin~n~smilin all night. Good people, good friends (*MUah- Cam & Rob*), good times.
I think the longest line I had was 10 mins long. How fükin fabulous was that? iLuv'd it!!!
Saw a couple other people that I knew there and then @ like 1am headed out to the hotel
The boys rented a sleuth of rooms and we had sum drinks and then I was ready for food. We had a denny's across the street....LETs DO IT! Ok, we could've had denny's or sum truck stop diner food (luv u robbie). I gives a fuck, both places had french toast (w00t w00t!). So me cam and rob/rob were on mission operation: feed me. We had a nice lady Evelyn serving us and iLuv'd her facial experessions! She rock'd we ate had sum conversation about WTF was it? G4...blah blah blah....playstation, xbox...ummmmmm i don't know! I play wii fit! lol! and mario kart 5 times....I can get down with that! LOL! I started talkin bout Lehman Brothers Holding and then all of a sudden it was time to go (Dammit! I wanted to talk stocks! lol!)
Didn't wanna cramp n e one so me n rob headed back to superNOVA. Very few cops on the roads (thank-you those who took the hit for us) and we made it back in good time.
My weekend rocked, and I'm ready for LA. Go Whitney!!!
Ooooooh...How will I know (Don't trust your feelings)...How will I know? How will I know (Love can be deceiving) How will I knooooow? How will I know if he really loves me? I say a prayer with every heart beat
I fall in love whenever we meet
I'm asking you what you know about these things
How will I know if he's thinking of me
I try to phone but I'm too shy (can't speak)
Falling in love is all bitter sweet
This love is strong why do I feel weak

Monday, September 8, 2008

He loves me...he loves me not...he loves me...

Whats up guys...back from the weekend. Well I was on my way to work and got texts from Cali. The message caught my attention because it had said something about me being selfish. My eyes were shocked. So after walking to the office I decided that we needed to talk. The talk was going to end what we had started. So I got the voicemail and asked that he call me back when he gets a sec..

So I got the call and stepped outside the office. I said that I didn't appreciate going through the pain and suffering and that I had gone through enough of it with the loss of my family members and grieving. Two totally different pages...his pain and suffering was coming from my not calling/texting him. That was something else we had to discuss. We had a miscommunication however if you feel that way then call me, txt me or write me. A relationship that we have MUST go 60/40 or 40/60. There will not be a 20/80 or 80/20. So that's something that he's gonna work on for me. I think we patched things up and I wrote him an e-mail re-capping what we had discussed. I'm glad throughout this whole ordeal that I don't suffer from a low self-esteem and can walk away if I want to. That is HUGE!

The conversation went pretty well and I'm not gonna go 'head over heels' until i see some action. "more than words to show you feel, that you're love for me is real..."

Sunday, September 7, 2008


This weekend was short! Friday night I went out with my friend cam...and blacked out. So I don't know the hooooole story, again i c no marks on me so Im guessin nothing bad happend. I stayed at cam's place woke up with this killer headache and urge to pray to the porcelain god almighty....which I did...sleep/hack/sleep/hack have mummy pick my drunk ass up. Oh yes, the highlight of my weekend!

Actually that wasn't the biggest highlight. I got an e-mail from someone and it made me realize what good friends I have here. I am BLESSED with the friends I have in my life! I talked to certain people about that e-mail and won't blog about it here (i got a separate blog for my private thoughts). I will say this....POSITIVE ENERGY! Put a spin on whatever you can. So with that said, I'm happy and hope things are going well for those who try and put me through pain & "suffering". Cheers!

Sunday came, stomach feels a lil better. Went bowling and kicked ass! I got top 3! w00t w00t! LOL! let's leave it at that! ^_^

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Krap...I mean Kraft's done it again!

Ok I gotta stop calling Kraft Krap. Since the lunchables they have evolved. Granted their "healthier" line of foods "South Beach Living" still has more sodium than I care to consume in a meal, the caloric & protein and sugar content make up for it. Ok so Harris Teeter had the South Beach Living Sesame Chicken wrap Sandwich kit on sale $3.79, Buy 1 Get 1 Free. So In read the ingredients to ensure their sesame dressing didn't have HFCS...it didn't! Great! The meal which has two medium size wraps, chicken chunks, crispy whole wheat noodles, mandarin orange dressing and a sugar free gelatin was 220 calories. Can can of Campbell Healthy Select soup contains 240 calories! The difference in sodium 710mg for Kraft, 960mg for Campbell. The only thing Campbell beat Kraft on was Cholesterol 40mg vs 20mg
**Honarable Mention** Protein: Kraft - 21g; Campbell - 14g

I enjoyed the meal, but with the south beach living I am usually left hungry. I don't eat that quickly so when I enjoy this meal again I will bring some carrots/veggies to snack on! Kraft, I know you gotta have preservatives with your meals but if TV dinners can go below 500mg PAH-LEEZ give it a shot! ^_^

iLuv my Harris Teeter!

Yes I know...I'm a dork! iLuv it and wouldn't have it any other way! so Nyaaah! :-P
Anyways....Giant has had my business for a loooong time because the bakery at Safeway and Shoppers suck...they just plain suck! So recently my Giant decided, HEY! Lets get rid of these unbleached breads and bring in Nature's Own bleached crap. This did not go well with Dirty. Dirty is a carb whore who loves bread like black folk love chicken! I can't get enuf of that shit!!! So...I started shopping at Harris Teeter and not only do they have my breads, but they HAVE A LARGER selection of unbleached baked goods then what giant had (ok, now moving into the rating section)
The store was very clean. When you walk inside there is a cookie basket that you can give your kid. That's nice. When I was in the store I was approached three times and asked if I needed assistance. That was nice too. The prices on a few of their products are some what higher than Giant and others compare (see comparison below). The service that I received and selection that they have make up the difference....I think! So the picture above show's me smiling my ass off. I was fucking JUMPING in the GaWd DayUM store!!!! I haven't seen MY splenda Peter Pan Peanut butter in YEARS! I shot the pic to my mom and got a txt back from here saying: Unbelievable!
She was always looking for that peanut butter when I was in Kuwait and still to this day! I found it!!! OMG!!! I FUCKIN FOUND IT! LOL! In my life I have small victories, these are the things that make me jump and smile! Simple pleasures! iLuv 'em!
Ok so Harris Teeter was not gonna get a rant outta me w/o me goin to my unfaithful Giant.
GIANT (Review)

No assistance what's so ever! This is VERY shocking because if you go to the Bailey's Crossroad Giant they like moved the whole fuckin store around! So it would've been nice to have help but no worries, we move on. The store was pretty clean considering the construction they were still undergoing. The service in Giant does not compare to that of Harris Teeter. Pricing:
Milk (1GAL, Organic, 1%) - Giant only has Whole/FF: $5.79 / HT: $5.99 (NO SALE)
Nature's Own Whole Wheat - Giant: $2.69 / HT: $2.99 (NO SALE)
Simply JiF - Giant: $2.99 / HT: $3.39 (NO SALE)
Polaner Fruit Jams (Med Jar) - Giant: $2.50 / HT: $1.99 (HT ON SALE, Reg $2.39)
St Dalfor Jam - Giant: $5.29 / HT: $4.99 (NO SALE)
Deer Park Water (24Bottles)- Giant: $4.44 / HT: $7.49 (Buy 1 Get 1 Free) (BOTH ON SALE)
Deli Cooked Ham (12oz) - Giant: $4.99 / HT: $3.50 (HT ON SALE, $4.49)
8 Piece Roasted Chicken - Giant: $7.49 / HT: $4.99 (HT ON SALE, $6.99)
Baguette - Giant: $2.99 / HT: $2.99 (NO SALE)
Bananas - Giant: 59c lb / HT: 65c lb (NO SALE)
Raspberries (box) - Giant: $2.99 / HT: 1.50 (HT ON SALE, $3.99)
Hillshire Farms Deli Wraps - Giant: $4.49 / HT: $3.99 (Buy 1 Get 1 Free)
Apples (3lb Bag, Red Delicious) - Giant: $4.99 / HT: $4.99 (NO SALE)
Giant: $59.96 / HT: $49.09
I know that the sales prices make the differences however the only things not on my list were the bananas, apples, raspberries and South Beach wraps (which Giant doesn't carry). I've got way too much time on my hands to be comparing places but I do this for you people! LOL!! I'm only kidding myself! iLuv it! Harris Teeter gets a 7.5/10, Giant gets a 5.5/10
Harris Teeter has a store jam that states "ALL NATURAL INGREDIENTS". Since when is corn syrup and High Fructose Corn Syrup (HFCS) a natural ingredient??? Am I missing something or is their an HFCS plant we've developed? Ok...that is why they scored below an 8, but the service you get from Harris Teeter makes up the difference is some of their erroneous label and high price items PLUS the variety and deals you get on throughout the store puts this store at #1 in my book. From the moment you walk in (Small/Large carts/Baskets), grab your kid a cookie, walk on non-sticky clean floors greeted by the reps who work their to the cash register with their pleasant smile and customer service you get a Grade A experience.

Monday, September 1, 2008

Farewell...Auf Wiedersehen

Well the only thing I'm going to Blog about is my trip to North Carolina. My uncle, Richard Peper died a few weeks ago. The man was a great inspiration to those who knew him. We had his memorial this Sunday. It was beautiful. I broke down twice with his death. The first time is when I had heard of the news and heard my grandmother cry. The second time was at the service. My uncle loved to tell jokes (the same old ones, but it would put a smile on your face), was not shy to interact with people, sing songs from the beatles and build stuff with his hands.

The rabbi lead the service off explaining who Rick was, the number of years he was with the temple and the joy he had brought to the lives of others. The cantor followed after the Rabbi and said he had a song he would like to sing that he was sure Rick would love. He sang The Beatles - Yesterday (and included some french with it). OMG, I heard that and pictured it coming out of Rick's mouth. I tried to hold it in but of course sittin next to my mom and grandmother hearing them baul just had me goin.

Afterwards we heard from my Aunt, my uncle, my mother, myself (UgH!), friends of his and then my aunt's brother. It was beautiful. The jokes that we had to re-hear again (which I'm sure he enjoyed) followed by the rabbi giving the last prayer.

That was the service...beautiful! The night before we met the family at Gloria's place. The whole family was there. I feel retarded...they had my uncle's photos spread out on a table and a box. I looked at all the photos and smiled. People were teary eyed but ok, that cool..grieving. So when we leave the house my mom said she got to talk to Rick and I was like, yeaaah! Where did they put him??? He was in the box by the photos. Shit I didn't know! I didn't pay the box any attention. Oh well, I told my sis if they stick me in a box I want it to be a motion deteced/voice activated with a lithium battery sayin "Hello" or singing that annoying song "Don't worry, be happy"...what can I say? I want cheap laughs even afterwards!!! lol!

All the cousins went downstairs to have a couple drinks...burn a fag or two. So my cousin (Rick's son) does a toast to his dad. He starts off with "My dad was an asshole..." and before he can say the next word my sis is like "No he wasn't! He was not an asshole". Talk about awkward cuz HELLO u dad wasn't, but yes please continue with ur toast. Did I mention we had 14 year olds drinkin with us?!? Oh yea, im not gonna get into that but we have 14 y/o friends and we're 23..24? Ok, whatever lets just get through this shit! lol!

Food: Ok, so i'm not a picky eater. I'll eat just about anything fried, smoothered in potatos or just plain left out of the fridge for two days chicken. Ummmm yeah, southern thing where you leave your chicken out and not necessarily covered....WHO THE FUCK MADE THAT RULE UP???? Ok so fried chicken was out, what else do we got. We have a cole slaw mixed with chopped ramen noodles (no not the choy noodles, RAMEN noodles), fresh fruits mixed with canned fruits (HFCS!), mashed potatos, potato salad, cookies, fudge (mmmm too cookies n fudge), rolls (bleached)....right! Dinner was smashin! I had a wing (out of starvation), sum fruit (avoidin that syrup) and then we got on the road, hit up a harris teeter got a veggie plate, some fruits and then went to FIVE GUYS! (ummm fuck yea I want a double! lol)

The brunch the next day was great but I bought cherrios in milk JUST IN CASE. The drive was great, we had the speeding gawds look over us on the drive there but on the way back...lol!
Those fuckin cobalts came out of no where! Can we not just speed responsibly??? GIMME EUROPE AGAIN! Ok, hope everyone else's weekend was good.

FYI - TOWN for Obama was slackin! Old doods, no one was on the bottom floor...no one! Good, I was tired anyways...gave my $20 for Obama (even tho I'm a Hillary fan *ALL THE WAY*) and went home. ~

Tuesday, August 26, 2008


Ok I'll start off with saying "I'm not fat". My family thinks I'm obsessed with food and it nutrients, but I actually enjoy knowing what I put in my body. This is a HOOOOLE nutha blog, lemme get back to the subject at hand. Lipozene. So If I did get to change one more thing about my body it would be the love handles. They aren't bad, but they annoy the hell outta me. I'm bustin my ass to try n get this "V" body type and always feel like a "W" so of course all the true advertisements come on after 2am....remember the abs belt? It sent electronic pulses to your body. Hurt like hell, but fuck the pain! Gimme my GAWD DAYUM ABS! Ok, so I did get that when it was the fad but now the latest thing oooooh and ahhhhh is Lipozene.

So does it work? Does dirty give it two thumbs up? Well its hard to say. I took it for a month to see if it actually got rid of body fat and monitored myself daily with the Taylor Body Fat scale. No results. For me it's a two fingers down review. I think I may move to Hydroxycut and see if that'll help me get cut. I know I can't target weight loss (unless I go to bangkok! w00t w00t!) so I'll hafta work from the head down on these sides.

If you are heavier and use Lipozene, please comment and let me know your results. Only order the 30day trial period. You'll either see results or not...don't milk a dead cow! lol (I have no fuckin idea what that means! lol!)

~ cheers

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Friday & Saturday

right so my job fucked my paycheck up this payperiod and made me do something I hadn't done since before Kuwait. GO into the savings account ~:-o
So thurs night I wasn't feelin like goin out n socializing. I just wanted to go home...have a beer and get some sleep. I think thats what happened thurs night, so lets go with that ^_^

Friday was fun...I met up with my buddy Christina...both of us bitched about our salaries and felt that shopping for clothes was the right answer. SOMEONE has to cause the financial crunch & stimulate the economy in America so we put on our brave faces and whipped out our Visa/MC.

Fuck a whole afternoon of shopping and I got me a nice shirt to wear that night. Christina went all out! She got herself a lil freak'um dress, new shoes...jewelry. She did it right....made me feel like a lil bitch! So that night we went out with my aunt & cousin to TOWN. Didn't see everyone there, but for the most part it was good times and sum good lookin guys.

Woke up Saturday and Christina felt that I had had the wii fit long enough to fuckin open and enjoy it....AND OMG! THat thing is sooooooo much fun! iLuv it! The scale is like 40 pounds off, so you feel good about urself ^_^
and the games\exercises are the shit! w00t w00t!....after that I went to spgfd to work on gettin this virus off my computer (which finally came off today!...trojan & worm! fun fun fun!). Got home round 9/10ish....Christian was doin a family bbq thing and invited me. That was a lot of fun. It reminded me of when I was young how the latino music was playing...the adults were drinkin, laughin...kids runnin around and ladies just gossipin. Felt like Cali for a minute...and Christian was soo cute, my spanish is like nil and one of his cousin's was like shit talkin me and he stuck he chest out n said "if u say somethin else to him i'm gonna punch you".....Awwwwww! lol! I thought that was cute! So this weekend was cool...I gotta prep up for next weekend.

Next weekend I'll be in NC for my uncle's memorial. My mom/pops are leavin friday night and my sis is leaving saturday night. Ok my thoughts on memorials/funerals. I don't take them seriously. I don't. Let's celebrate the life that was lived, drink and laugh about the good times. I think the day of death...even week was/is enough mourning. So I'd rather have fun @ Town on Friday night and go in Saturday to listen to all the crying. UNfortunately I think that would be SELFISH of me, so I'm just gonna hafta leave on Friday...suck it up and come Sunday night do shots of Patron. Yea...so this week at work can sorta kinda drag out....i don't mind!

Who wants cake? iLuv cake!

Today my best friend's daughter turned the big 1-0! So we all made plans to celebrate at the Olive Garden. Bad uncle Mike didn't get Hannah a present but the ringin of the phone opened that window of opportunity. Mummy didn't get a cake. SCORE!!! Uncle Mike-E gets the cake! w00t w00t! So I remember eatin sum good cupcake at Rob's bday party and lucky me live right next to cakelove.

Ok, so if ur a health nut and love readin the nutrition facts at ur restaurant/delicatessen, watch out for these sugar/butter whores! The minute I asked about ingredients they smiled and pointed their finger to the sign on the left. OMG! R u fuckin kidding me?!? How many kids & adults are obese in America that you guys got a sign of a thin family just leapin for joy....nice message! Now on the plus side (like ur jeans/dress size after indulging in said cake) the cake rocks! I had a small slice of Cynthia Sins.

"Cynthia's Sin - Sugar coated peanuts roasted until they're extra-crunchy are drizzled with caramel then smushed into pillows of peanut butter spiked buttercream—all between three layers of chocolate cake and under a thick coat of rich chocolate ganache. It's like a candy hurricane ripped through the bakery and left a present behind."

Ok, so who gained weigh just from readin that??? The price of a 6" cake and two vegan cupcakes came to $50. Let me repeat that as it bears repeating...a 6" cake and two cupcakes cost $50! I didn't catch the price when the lady rung me up, so I just whipped out the Visa and signed the receipt wide-eyed thinkin, well if they don't fuck us on the calories...LOL!

In conclusion if you're going after quality and can't seem to put on weight then this would be a "two thumbs" up in Dirty's book. However if ur prone to pickup fat from just dust then pocket the cash. The cakelove gets "two fingers" down. Go to whole foods and find sum cookies there. I will bake me a splenda chocolate cake or splenda oatmeal raisin cookies one day. I first have to learn how to use the stove. Just typin that out gives me a tingling down my spine!! =P

Friday, August 22, 2008

7am....too early ta light a fag?

first off, "GOOD MORNING WORLD!"
...that felt good!

It's real nice outside this am...I left the windows/balcony door open last night. It wasn't so much about conservation, my vent and wall that where the A/C unit is at is pretty damp. I have no idea why, I just know I got a new respect for property managers and tenants.
I try so hard not to bug Jen (my landlord) about stuff because I have tenants in TX and LOVE not hearing from them ^_^
...But I let her know about this....hopefully it's just a one time thing and i'll just hafta paint over it when I leave next February.

So....where am I gonna go? Its def not too early to think about! I'm looking at properties. Not feeling the condo thing (because stoopid co-owners like hikin the GAWD DAYUM condo fees!)...13% increase meeting happening this Saturday. Boooooo! Dirty gives them two fingers DOWN! Well my friend LuLu has left or excuse me is leaving Kuwait so that isn't as big of an interest as it could've been. Brussels will ALWAYS be on my mind...$$$ in DC wouldn't be bad. iLuv that I got my best friends here (Luv yah Chris n Tiff), my family and a friend.

Ok, so I'm going to blog about this one last time and then from here on out I will reference Marlon as "him". I haven't heard from him in past couple weeks. And it took putting the advice my friends were giving and turning it into energy. One special person that I met (thanks Babe) through my friend pushed me to where I needed to go. I'm not going to share the chat we had, but it was enough to lift my spirits and bulldoze the brick wall I had built myself. Letting go is hard...it's like giving up on someone. And if you see goodness in that person you don't want to let go. But if that person brings you disappointment and frustration...why put yourself through it?
Love is a two-way street...One person will always feel stronger about the other person. And if you can balance that off to a 40/60...60/40 ur gonna have a healthy relationship.

I've got a lot of things spinnin in my mind that I've went over...and I'm not gonna blog about it (not out of shame) just cause they're private and will stay in my head. Ok, enuf of this....

~XOXOX~ mikey

RE:POST ~*Poetic*~

It really hurt that you never called
And I think of you all the time
It hurt so much that I'm feelin poetic
And thinkin of ways to rhyme

I wrote you a message, sent you a text
No response was your reply
After day 3 the answer was clear
...'He's just another guy'

Letdowns will happen and baby I know that
So here is now where I start
Dust off my shoulders and move on to the next guy
someone who won't crush my heart

The emptiness that clouds my heart is opague and rather foggy
But the cloud has this bright streak..we'll call it my silver lining
The silver lining is what i learned from this cloud I built myself
I will always keep my guard up whenever dating, dancing, or dining

The past guys I've linked up with
I've treated pretty shallow
I blocked them off from my true self
so they can't make my heart feel hollow

The feeling is not satisfying to let people go
Your eyes tear and throat balls up to where you can't even speak
But then I look in the mirror, toughen myself up..Y?
Because I don't ever wanna to feel weak

Now my heart feels better
Probably because I wrote this poem
Letting go of someone special
Is like watching your child leave his home

And although I end this poem
I end it feeling somewhat incomplete
I lift my head up and dust my shoulders off
...for the feeling is not defeat!

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Kathy @ Walter Reed

Gawd thank-you for creatin TiVO & DVR for us losers who can't work daytime hours. So I'm watchin Kathy Griffin: Life on the D-list and am truly just in awe as how much time this woman spends with the troops and does even prison tours. She rocks and of course I hope she stays on the D-List just cuz i don't want this celeb to let fame get to her head. That's all

Oh and I'll see that hooker on the 25th in my nosebleed D row seats! Cameron, I'm gonna get u fucked up and steal ur front row seats! Shots are on me asshole! >-P

Monday, August 18, 2008

B-o.....i need more weekends!

Aight so last Thurs i was kinda stressin at work cuz I actually got a fuckin assignment! So I put my oreo cookies down, wiped the potato chips off my marinara stained polo and put myself "in the zone". Ok, so when you review and make changes to an exchange server it is always best to do it when users aren't online. SO say if ur going to do maintenance to I dunno...Bangkok, you'd probably wanna do that between the hours 7am - 5pm EST. If you have an IQ higher than a fruit fly and grasp the concept of time and the earth's rotation then you're way too smart to be a contractor and I applaud you for that....However these knuckleheads didn't grasp time...stressed the hell out of me ON MY FRIDAY! and in the end I left work with no food in my tummy at 10pm to go to Apex hopefully bump into some peeps and of c0urse grab a drink n burn a fag or two.

Anyways I head to Apex and dammit...no dice! I refuse to go 2 cobalt's so after a drink or two I head out to light me fags on fire. So I'm out there gettin checked out by the fag hags who introduce me to their disasters "Luv it *wink*" and then I see this dood I met at town couple months back. The convo we had was awesome....we showed off our equipment 2 each other (Phones baby! Phones) and didn't swap numbers. Aight so I got Dwayne's number...he got mine. If something comes out of that, great...if not aight so be it! It was cool seein him again and now we got each other's number

Friday was freakin mega mega super busy! i really don't know why...maybe poor time management? Oh yeah that's right I had lunch with my grandma, followed by a walk or hike in Great Falls. That place is beautiful and i'll upload pix to this blog thingy! After an afternoon in the park "Awwww" we made it back to spgfd. GOt GUILTED into goin to the movies to see Tropic Thunder and *OINK OINK* grab a large popcorn w/butter, salt and Diet Coke ;)
The movie rocked! I loved the beginning commercials! They were freakin awesome! And the movie was cool, so y it got not so hot reviews is beyond me. I mean DUH it's no dark knight but come the fuck on! It's not like watching flies fuck! Oh, fav one liner from the movie: At least you got to pick your kid, I'm stuck with mine! AwEsom3 one liner for those who adopt!
So I went to Town..got a lil smashed...met my bois up there...actually saw a lot of peeps I knew! Stomache was in pain from the popcorn (eck! I better not be buildin up a tolerance for junk food!). Eventually the patron just started to kill/balance off the acid built up. So that told me more shots were to come! lol! Some drama went down that night too, but nuthin that good friends can't help each other wit (Besos Papi, find happiness)

Sat- Rock climbin in Alexandria with my boi Cam and Gary. That was fantastic! I didn't think that my upper-body could handle that after a night of drinkin but shit! I think I did well....Oh fuck that! I know I did well ;-D...It was cool, we got there and Gary was the 1st to go up the wall. Ummmm....this dood did the GAWD DAYUM wall in Demo time. I was like TIME! 90seconds...Aight Cam, beat that shit! lol! The 1st climb I went up I was on top but didn't get to touch the freakin beam! Dammit! So i flew down and literally couldn't stand up I was like a 5 yr old on a mat! So we did like 3 more climbs and had fun on kiddy hill. It was gravy...headed back to DC n had sum lunch. I forgot the name but their salads do NOT even compare to the Chopped Salad shop in Chinatown! mmmm....chopped salad!!! Ok got home to shower and txt Dwayne. Work work work...FINE! Called the house and found out we were havin dinner at my sis's work. O snap! Cheese for dinner, popcorn the day before??? Can I have a McFlabby for dessert? Aight so we head down there and I sooo much cheese that if I ate anotha bite I'd be on my knees like the olson twins singin alto to the porcelain gawd! It was freakin delicious but DAMN'd filling! So went home and had a nice 2hr nap. Wakey-wakey...chk'd what was up wit Dwayne, didn't feel like hittin Town up but wanted 2 toast my bartenda for climbin up the wall! I think i did end up hittin Town up...Was it crowded? Shit i 4got! I don't think we stayed that long if we went there. Crashed @ my boi's place and woke up to the sweeet smell of scotty's coffee! ^_^

Mmmmmm....best homemade coffeee ever! Headed to spgfd for family time and then work. Sunday's never are spectacular since those are my mondays but man!

Overall I kept busy n reconnected with peeps I hadn't seen in a while. That was awesome. I haven't heard from my forbidden fruit up in Cali in a while. It's probably best that way. I tell you the one person that I'll let fuck with my head is him, and it's only because I allow it. I love him, and that feeling will never die out. That I won't allow. But the realization of me and him never going to happen is easy to write say or type out. But having the emotion...having this realm..this fantasy to not become the reality I'd wish and lust after leaves a bittersweet taste in my mouth. I guess I hafta to learn to Unbind, Unleash, Relinquish, Release

(and no that poem did NOT go out to him!). I do know that when I find that someone special I won't compare them to him. Because it's not fair. But until some of these guys step their game up I'll just be single and blessed with good friends and if I'm lucky make new ones on the way.

~ besos