Friday, February 27, 2009

Au Revoir Mammie!

Je t'aime beaucoup!


I miss you sooo much. As soon as I heard they were going to move you to the hospice I told my guys at work that I had to leave. Not soon after Jackie gave me the call with the two words I didn't want to hear, "She passed". I didn't show a lot of emotion when Grandpa and Rick died. But with you, my Mammie I broke down in tears. That was the hardest news I've ever dealt with to this day. I never cried like that before. You were the first one to see me born. We had our special cuddle time when I was and grandpa were terrific! I spent a lot of summers with you growing up and of course who could forget the time we went cross country. Remember how I told you Old faithful was my favorite part of the trip? I think it was yours too! Then growing up I got to take you to Scotland for your 80th birthday! What a treat that was!

I loved and enjoyed that trip so much! We were on a budget but still made it work! And of course the last night we stayed at the hilton...and who got our room upgraded complimentary?!? ^_^ and your french accent!

I think of all the good times we had while I was growing up and how lucky I was to have a grandmother that cared and accepted me the way I am.

When I came out to the family about being gay everyone's first reaction was "Are you sure". I loved that you didn't say that and that your first words were "Well you can always adopt". That was the best thing anyone could've said.

Your LOVE, spirit and youthful energy will be missed. I'll even miss arguing politics with you! Something that was always taboo with us, but that didn't stop me! =)

I'm glad you were with me when I closed on the house and toasted just a small bit of champagne with me. Tomorrow I will buy a bottle of Roederer (what do you think? ;-D) and toast you to your new life with the love of your life, Grandpa. I will see you again and hopefully you & Grandpa will have a good bottle waiting for me ;)

I love you and miss you terribly! Also I took your favorite picture that you had next you. I know you'd want me to have it because our hearts were always N'sync. I love you (me more!)

~ Avec Beaucoup D'amour,

Wednesday, February 25, 2009


I hate packing! LOL! I got beaucoup amigos though that offered to help and as much as misery loves company I am not gonna bring them into my mess. Family on the other hand is welcome to be miserable with me.

Aight back to more packin! F!

Will & Kristy's wedding speech


You have been one of the most influential friends I have come to know and love. We met in Kuwait and with arms wide open you and LuLu welcomed me into your home and life with no questions asked. All that was required was friendship on both parts.

We've traveled abroad many times...Dubai, Bahrain, Lebanon, Scotland, Germany...I think I missed out on Texas and now here we all are in Hawaii celebrating a wedding between two great friends. I've had a rough year...losing two family members and nearly a grandmother. I really could not wait to get 2008 over with an now I find myself trying to slow the sands of time.
I couldn't think of a better nor poetic way to end the year and bring in the new one that with my family of friends in good health and good spirits!

Cheers to you & Kristy! There is a Hawaiian proverb; Ua olo loko I ke Aloha. Love gives life within. May the islands of love and Goddess Hina bless the love that you two share and give new life within.

~ Aloha

Sunday, February 22, 2009


Wow....A whole month since my last blog! What's happened since then? New friendships, new house, tiny raise, same love life. But let me elaborate! =)

So Josie and I joined the SportRock club off Eisenhower Ave. It's a great activity and gives your forearms a good workout. Equipment to buy I guess came close to $200 (Harness, Chalk/Bag, shoes). Money well spent if you do it for a year. So I met someone rock climbing who is turning out to be a great friend, JR. I definitely don't have expectations when it comes to friends (particularly in the gay crowd), but I must say that after knowing him for over a month now he is a genuine caring person who loves to laugh, and that reflects well off my personality.

I like the fact that he has a boyfriend so that I know everything is strictly platonic and there are no mind games to be played. I've been rock climbing with him, movies, bars, clubs, live shows, etc..It's really awesome to know that if this friendship keeps developing the way it's going that I'll actually have someone in my life that isn't all about the bars. Don't get me wrong, I love heading out to TOWN, cobalts, nel's, JRs and's just that I'm not 100% about that. And I think that it is also my fault. I mean come on Michael...if you just go to bars, and see the same people...who are you making friends with. I did get invited to go Nature hoping somewhere west of VA (...and if it wasn't for all the family stuff and moving goin on I totally would've went) and stay in a cabin (Thanks Lonnie). There are some diamonds in the rough when you go to clubs, but it's hard finding them. I'm winging off this cycle though. Not not going to the clubs...just making sure my life has more than the clubs.

The house. I finally got it! It's mine! All mine!!! yaaaaay!!!! w00t w00t!!! I am a landlord in VA for one week. The guys will be out on the 1st. I'm hoping they move out carefully...i don't want to keep there deposits. That is not my style. Having cash in ur hand is a nice feeling, so again...crossing my fingers they move out gracefully. I'm painting my room dual tone. A light orange/pumpkin/melon and off white cream for the loft. It will look fabulous, TRUST!
I can't wait....I'm really very very excited!!! ^_^
I'm gonna pack the remainder of my kitchen tonight. Yup...paper plates and plastic cutlery here on out! The house party is gonna rock. That I promise! I'm tempted to make tacos because that is an awesome drunk food! Or I can be lazy and order out. Decisions, decisions! Well if I do cook, iLuv the stove in my place!! It freakin rocks! Oh and guess who now has an automatic ice maker! yaaaaay!! w00t w00t! So anyways, I will post pics of the improvements. So excited!

Ok on to my raise. Well my boss rocks. I got the best performance review in my shop (hold your applause). We got our reviews about two weeks ago. My PM said I'm doing a hell of a job. I got 4s & 5s on my review (5 being the top). My raise...LOL! 2%. I shit you not! 2%. My PM actually told me that I woulda made like 500 bucks more if the review was for 12months not 10. However I am sooo fuckin sharp at math and numbers and saw his math was off $300. Soooo I did the best I could at happy hour to make them pay the difference. I rung up $245 worth of food! I fuckin shit you not! And this thursday...I'm bringing a bag with me! Oh princess is not happy! So bad raise, what can you do to motivate me? I mentioned that I was interested in SharePoint, and my PM brought up taking a class. Sounds cool, all I need is my supervisor and office lead's approval. So that was easy to get...they knew my raised sucked and thought I deserved the class. So I got their blessing. And then my PM re-nigged! He told the office lead that SharePoint has nothing to do with what we do and that I could take a windows or exchange class. Oh princess took her tiara off, put the extensions on her hair...snapped her chicken neck IN THE OFFICE and licked her upper lip and said "Mutherfucker, WHAT?!?" to the office lead. I was short on words at the raise sucked and the fuckin hologram of a carrot they dangled in front of my face disappeared. Why the fuck would you lie to me? worries. I'm in control of my emotions. So my PM owes me $86 for pizza and I'm collecting Monday (manana). I'm going to let him know that I'm very disappointed with his decisions and that the class would've helped me grow technically along with build up my motivation after the small raise I received. Yes, I've slept on this and that is the most diplomatic way I could think of addressing this (withholding emotions). So that's what's up in the office.

Same love life. You know what. I think about how obsessed I was with Marlon and craving his love and affection. A month or two ago he was honest and expressed no romantic interest in me. That needed to be said so that I know to stop trying. He was over me, and I told him that I needed two things from him. Time and understanding. He's given me that. Since then my heart doesn't sink thinking about him and we talk about everything on the phone. I understand him as a person and know that he brings different things to the table, along with my other friends. I told him that he's a pain in the ass and that I would never welcome someone else like him in my life. It's way to time consuming! I haven't got the energy! So that's is an awesome thing I got going in my life.

Friends - The stripping of titles. This helped me out with Marlon. Marlon was the first everything for me. So putting him where he is now in my life was probably the hardest mental thing I've ever had to go through in life. And like the brady bunch "You know I've learned something" ;-) Silver linings...iLuv 'em. I use to be so quick to cut people out of my life, that i'm finding it not easier but better to learn about them. I'm so interested in the behaviors of others. I've taken away titles from friends who don't need them. The only two friends who hold titles as best friends are Chris and Tiff. They are my family...genuine awesome people and I luv them and their kids to death! Titles and what they did for me. People who held titles like First Love, First friend, First whatever held this pot of energy. And if they were 20% I'd go 80...most of the time it was 40/60 & 60/40. The 40/60 60/40 stuff rocks. I do love my friends, but if they wrong me I let them know so that I don't hold it in or if I can't think of the right thing to say I'll tell them if they are important enough that I love you, you know this but I gotta get back with you later bout something. I know that I have a rather self-absorbed behavior and that's why I have to think about things. Not be impulsive to respond but gather my thoughts.

I was suppose to meetup with a group of buddies on the 13th. The meetup spot was JRs and from there we'd go to Zig's/Secrets grand opening. I made it to DC and got a message that they were headin out to Zig's. Tried calling and sent a txt. No dice. I did not want to go by myself there and then got upset..And I caught myself slippin! I smiled because I was in the zone! I saw my attitude change because I felt left out/abandoned once again. So I went over to Nellie's to grab a beer. My new goal was to not go home upset. I will use my AMEX or whatever...go to a movie...something! But I will not let my group send me home upset. So I texted around and got a hold of my buddy JR. He was headin to TOWN and I was next door so I was like cool. Let's do it! I ended up havin an awesome night. My group ended up there (no calls/txts) and my mask came on (what can I say? Rome wasn't built in a steps!). So I was nonchalant and was not gonna deal with that situation at that point. I think if people grow to know me and my history they know that I didn't grow up with a vast amount of friends. And a lot of it is because of my self absorbed attitude and cutting people off. The right thing to do is let people know why you are upset with them and if they give a damn, they'll hit you up with an apology or good reasoning. If not then you cut them off.
I personally think that the above situation doesn't need any more energy put towards it (except for maybe stating why I felt the way I felt). When I write it out I feel the emotions on the keyboard. I don't wanna carry that chip anymore tho. So anyways I love my friends enough to let them go....not cut them off anymore, but let them be where they wanna be in my life. I got awesome advice from a friend that next time just ask how long they are gonna be at a certain place and if they'll wait for me. That sounds fair. And I'll do that next time. BLLLLAAAAAAH!

I hate Valentine's Day! Worse holiday in the world that was made up to unload the chrismas candy shit that couldn't sale followed by Jesus who is represented by chocolate rabbits (more candy!). Ok, I've digressed...Vday wasn't anything special. I did hang out with my sis and saw Taken. I'm becoming a movie buff and paying Hollywood well for it too!

This blog is long but I hope it makes up for the one month loss.