30-Dome

Got a txt message from that emotional tick I popped. Decided not to answer it and move forward. Guess just cause I turned a new key to a new decade it doesnt negate the fact that I still have ta do my time ta move forward and keep eyes straight ahead.

No forgiveness offered. No apologies necessary. Burned that niccas bridge. No grudges held against him. No room for emotional prisoners here. I had a great trip in Hawaii. Hooked up wit a guy off of Grindr. Felt great ta just leave VA morales in VA..have fun!

Really wouldn't mind doin me in VA after this awesome weekend. We'll see what's good. Imma be happy tho. That's one thing I will try to work on. Happiness and not the misery that I choose to surround my life now and then. This Hawaii trip opened my eyes to a lot of things. I'm 30!!! I'm gonna live it up and do me!

In the plane now, will post this later. Good lookin 30 y/o guy wit a house, two rides and an awesome dog. Y not have huh? What's stopping me? Sure as HELLLL ain't roommates! Lol! It was me!!!! Aloha Michael :)

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The BIG 30

Wow. My trophy birthday of 27 finally got replaced! This vacation and celebration has just been awesome. Well I've said it for 6months but now it's legit. I'm 30! This is awesome! I'm no longer in my 20s! Just like that!

Well I'm real happy to be with my family and have awesome friends that have wished me well...I got this empty path ahead of me to which I bring memories and some old business.

My 20s set me up with this great life I have and now I gotta see what I can do in this decade ta gift wrap to the next one. All in good time tho! Miss you Mammie! I know you'd have been the first to call and sing to me on the phone:

....and many mooooooore! :)

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Less than 24hours

Ahhhhh less than 24 hours till I fly to Hawaii and less than one week till I hit the DirTy 30!
I'm pretty excited about going to Hawaii...extending my youth for 6 more hours (yay time travel) and seeing my sis and good friends! I think after work I may get some new running shoes to run around the island! I'm just super stoked to get away from work for a week, take some holiday and of course turn 30!

I use to think that I had this fear of age...I was 21 with 5, 6, 7, 8 years experience for the longest time...but when I look around my house, see my lil pup and where I am in life it gives me this smile...This 20 something year old molded this decade for the new 30 decade. I see myself saying: Hey here are the keys to this body/life....I got all this for you; Don't fuck it up!

Circumstances in life for different individuals vary. I really wanted to have a family, kids, house and the dog by now....turns out that you not all things in life happen at the speed you want them to happen. I didn't want to be gay, but had to own who I am and move forward. I really wanted the kids, but I really don't like babies. Puppies grow up quickly...Babies OMG! For-E-Ver!

I'll leave the brats for my sis to pop out...hopefully she does that on the island and I can get to know them after the pamper/crying phase. If I were to have kids, I'd def adopt. Age 5 and up! I couldn't have a girl because I see how attached I am to Reese. When Reese cries at the dog park my hearts hits the floor! I couldn't imagine having a daughter do that to me! I think with a boy it'd be easier...and then once he's 12 it'll be my childhood all over again with theme parks n stuff!!!! YAASSSS!

Aside from family, love will be something that my 30year old soul will need to challenge. I've given some baby steps to this area, so this should be interesting. I know *PRIDE* is a huge factor / obstacle that stands in my way. Second would come patience and third would probably be jealousy.

The rest of my temple I feel great about! 30! YASSSS! I told my sis about 5-6 months ago I was ready for 30. I see me getting out of this limo, on a red carpet and seeing people and events of my life waving at me as I enter this big steel, black glass door with the big handles 3 | 0...and I open the door and all I see is darkness & fog. I'm not inside yet...there will be no light until I enter the doors. It's gonna be great! Like exploring a new world. No one's been here yet! This is my discovery. And I get to bring my memories, and life with me. SOoooo cool! I even dressed up for the event! Black/white suit! Classy!

Cheers to the life on the island and turning 30! I'm ready! And can't wait to explore! :-)

w00t! THat'S my puzzle piece!

I tell you I think I mentioned it before but when I came out to my friends and family I felt shattered....puzzle pieces that took me 27 years to build shattered. And the feeling of freedom was upon me. I felt liberated having that weight lifted off my shoulders...and in time I found pieces that once built the person I was. I also added pieces with this new image. And overtime had to replace. My biggest obstacle in life is no mystery. Love. This is not another sappy *whoa is missing i'm missing this one thing*....I freaking am! BUT that's a whole nutha blog.

So over time some pieces that I was missing I found again. One piece that I lost for a long time was this nonchalant feeling towards people I didn't know. For some weird bizarre reason I had cared about what others were thinking about me!!! What foul rubbish! I think it was Marlon and my cruel nature going back and forth one day that got me to say: FUCK YOU! And it felt great! I had found this missing piece of doing me and dismissing someone else. I glued that sucker back to me, embraced it *welcome back! how i've missed you sooooo* and moved forward.

This new piece I found (and it excites me like finding lost money for others! It's a missing piece! It's MY missing pience! I love finding lost pieces) opened my eyes to the gay scene. What the hell am I doing here? This isn't me!!!! Yes, I love my friends and have a blast with them but this totally isn't me!
I smiled because I know what I like....I like ta hike, run, hit the gym, go see a movie, chill at home with my pooch, sing in the car (horribly..I don't care), toss back vodka at a house party with friends....but this whole gay scene and the monotony of hitting: TOWN, NELLIES, COBALTS is like totally BLAH! Let's go rock climbing! Let's run Burke Lake.

So yeah, pride weekend I wouldn't trade it for any money cause I can make money and money and money. I'm never pressed for cash..can always take care of me and do me. But finding a piece of me...something that had gone missing was found and brought to life! It's something you can't pay a therapist to find. Ur blinded on this journey and hit a lot of walls. But when you stand on this puzzle piece or star dust that you know is you it just excites the HELL OUTTA me!

This is mine! I know this piece! I've known it for 27years!!! You were lost! I'm so glad I found you!!! So the piece is back in my system and although I'm euphoric about it, I continue to search for the unknown yet again.

I know it's a little soon to find another piece, but maybe I can find one when I hit Hawaii! You never now....and on that note: 4 more days :-D

Here I am, once again

Not torn into pieces but had an emotional tick I needed ta pop. Bled a lil from the wound but imma be aight tomorrow.

Yeah I kept my hopes sprung on a bad boy. I'll learn one day. Hopes always remain high lol.

He use ta be a friend. He wanted to step it up. Unfortunately his empty promises lead to the demise of our friendship.

The last chance I gave him at having a regular friendship, one where we could just be cordial he declined and wanted another shot of being there for me. Failed. Not shocking but fuck him. Done.

Blocked outta my life and now I got me a new outlook. I'm gonna join sum running clubs and hike. I'm gonna live my life and not let setbacks take me down :)


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I wanna blog something so bad

But choose not too. A lot of things in personal life I can post on the web. I don't mind sharing my wins and losses in life. But this is something that can affect my personal life outcome.

I do want to share it and re-read it so that I learn from it. A handful of people know what I am talking about. I can honestly say that I HAVE LEARNED MY LESSON! And NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER again will I put my personal life, family or career in this path again.

This is something that everyone does without thinking about, but only when they get caught is it right in their face. It's surreal. It's happening...and it's happening because you choose to let it happen.

When you roll the dice so many times never hitting snake eyes you feel as if you beat the system. Thinking of it right now I can still justify that I wasn't in a familiar area. It's ridiculous how my mind can counter-argue something as serious of this nature.

Well I won't ever post what it was, only few will know. Just know that: IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN!