Saturday, July 3, 2010

you gotta go through the weeds to get to the trees

Blah....Ok so today is gonna be a good day. My sis is having her wedding reception and even though I'm grateful to be here, I'm havin an L.Boogie moment (where you might win some but you just lost one).

I'd say one of my biggest challenges in life is dealing with my emotions without medication. I'm a mess...truly am. I don't know how to maintain relationships. I'm freakin lost. All I know is that I got two of my best friends living in Gainesville and they are my redwood trees as our friendship will do nothing but grow and grow. Maybe I need to ask them how we manifested and what keeps us together.

Couple days ago I went up to Canada wit my boi Tuffie. Had a great day n 1/2 there then something happened. He had to go back but couldn't really explain it to me. I see him SMS'n back and forth and come up with my own conclusion that something wasn't right at home and that issue had to be dealt with. A plether of thoughts came rolling in my head. How can he leave manana? I sacrificed my sister's reception for this? What the hell is going on here? Am I gettin dissed again? FFFFFFF! So I tried hitting the gym cause that seems to work....nuh uh.

Tried drinking and burning a fag. Nope! Finally I met up with another friend there and vented. I felt better but didn't know what to say. He wasn't saying anything to me, nor I to him. I finally spoke up in the car and asked if it was life & death why we were heading back. Medication. if we had communicated this yesterday we both probably wouldn't be in an ignore status. Fair enough, our friendship is strong enough to handle this...*ahem* wrong! We didn't have a friendship tree...we had a weed that just died. Ended up gettin the email that HALAS! The road to friendship ends here. Wow...I thought we were having like a sibling rivalry where eventually we get over it and move on. I mean hell this two day trip was like a grand, but idgf it was wit my boi. Nevertheless it is what it is.

I'm disappointed by it, but it's not the end of the world. I grew up with little to no friends so this is not unfamiliar territory. Thanks for introducing and showing me DC. Thanks for laughing at the things I said even when they weren't all funny. Thanks for letting me crash when it was too late for me to drive. Thanks for caring for my drunk ass when I didn't know when to leave. And mostly, Thanks for being a part of my life. Gone but not forgotten babes, we move forward.

Besos Tuffie ~ mikey