Therapy & p90x

I luv thursdays. I usually think to myself on the drive home, what am I gonna talk about tomorrow? I can talk my "dream" and the challenges I face letting it go...I can talk about my taco night. Ooooh I can talk about the house and where I'm at on that.

So I get there and I sit down and we talk about last week, how I'm feeling. How my family is doing. I told him how disappointed I was on Saturday and that my feelings were hurt. In anycase I had an epiphany! And it was awesome. As much as I love myself (or at least started in 2008) my whole life I've always put my on a show and acted the way I want to be, but am not. I pretty much wear a mask and don't let those I want to get to know me better, get to know me better. They end up seeing this character and I put forth the energy to be that person.

It was awesome to see myself in that light and it was mutherfucking groundbreaking! I do it like 2nd nature! I sometimes don't know I'm doing it! But now that I've seen it, I'm gonna stand up to it! I'm gonna tell those I love and care about how I feel. I'm not gonna be mean, I will use tact. And if they care about me, like my true friends do then I have nothing to worry about.

They are friends because they want to be and that's beautiful because it's genuine! It's real. It's what I crave. We then talked about my dream. And he asked me if my "dream" were the clingy type, would I still love him. And I again was shocked about my answer. I told him No. I would still love him, but I could never live with him and would grow more and more distant from him. Wouldn't it be great if he was the clingy type tho? What would occupy my mind then? LOL! I guess it would just be myself, family and friends.

Ok, enuf about therapy. p90x! OMG! I thought day one was hard! I can't believe day 2 thought! SQUATS SQUATS SQUATS! OY! Well day 2 is done...88 to go! LOL! time for some food! Yum yum yum! ~c!a0