Emotional Roller-Coaster

Well had a lot of deep thinkin going on today...I just need to get this off my mind and that's what I'm gonna do. In Kuwait I had friends and we all hung out to party and nothing else. It was cool, you know the peeps...the ones that would never call you, you'd never call them but when you saw them at house parties or wherever they were part of your crew and you guys all drank together. It was cool, yeah? Then you had ur special circle in that group that was made up of the people who actually truly gave a fuck about you. This was your family. They were there for you at parties, work or vacaciones. That was beautiful. These relationships took time to build and I guess maybe I'm trying to rush something that is not there. So my superego started (aka snowballed) when I shot my papi a txt...didn't hear back from him and told myself ahhh, no worries! Not paranoid, lemme hit my sis up....Nothing. O-----K, thats cool I gotta call my friend up n see whats goin on. Cool, he's there. So yeah he's gonna do lunch and gimme a call back in 15 and we'll figure out if we're gonna do lasertag or what. Aight cool, lemme pick out what i wanna wear! I looked totally cute today!ok well that's subjective, but I was definitely feelin what I had on! So after like an hour I called him back to find out wha was goin on...Um, no answer. Aight, lol...not hearin back from my papi, my sis, and now buddy. Aight let me meet up with this other buddy n we'll hit dupont up. (mental note to self, if you're NS is picking up just go to starbucks n chillax). So I when I got there I told him to come down...we had this convo for like 5mins back and forth. In hindsight if I had called him we prolly wouldn't have had a miscommunication. But I was like you know what, fuck people! I'm gonna go see my dog! Ok, the silver lining here is practicing what I've been learning in this book (Malignant Self-Love: Narcissism). I will not let these people take control of my emotions. I won't! I'm in control of how I feel, NOT THEM. So I put on the right motivating music and was basically like you know what...Fuck this, I'm Mike Sanchez! Wipe that fuckin dirt off ur shoulder papi. So my first thoughts we're fuck friends numba one. We never hang out unless what we're drinking and is that it? Really? All we do is get drunk together? Aight, fair enuf! I had those buddies in Kuwait. Gotcha, I'm not reaching the fuck out any more, I'm not gonna care about whats going on in ur life...we'll just use each other's company at the bar or clubs! Coolio! Next, my papi...I'm gonna give you some space. I'm not paranoid that you didn't answer me but puttin everything together I've been clingin onto the emotional high you give me whenever we txt/talk. It almost feels like self-punishment to tell myself that I'm gonna leave the ball in your court and whenever you wanna hit me up that'll just put a big ass grin on my face. I love you babe, and you know I do...Ur happiness is my happiness. I've never felt a love as surreal as the love you give me, and I don't know if this is a normal feeling or me becoming dependent. Anyone who knows me know I'm a HUGE advocate on being independent. I mean yeah if you're startin back up again I can dig the co-dependent stuff...u gotta build up then go, but to thrive off of other people like a leach...No thanks!
I just got lost in thought...where was I? Oh yeah, so anyway papi "Te quiero mucho" and u know that. Lets see...friend number one I wanted you in my special circle but you've turned out to be one of my biggest disappointment...I saw ur ambition, goal-oriented attitude and was like WoW! who does that remind me of, minus the college ~;-), but I get it...clearly a true friendship isn't what I'm gonna get out of this so yeah fine ur a bar buddy...that's all, papi - i miss ya...that's all, um sis get's an automatic pass because fuck...once ur family ur family ;-* (Miss ya! Can't wait ta see u in June!)
Friend numero dos - I got nothing for ya....that's all (insert Miranda - Runway)

Aight...bedtime, I got work manana (UgH! How many days till Thursday??? LoL!)