All done with meds

Finally! Yesterday marked the end of drugs (amoxicillan and bioxain). Fuck sinus infections! Glad this one is gone, but I think that I've developed allergies since living here. I'm not sure the clariton is working up to snuff so I may just try benadryl or some other OTC meds.

Yay...I feel old now talkin bout meds n shyt. Ok so far the weight loss is coming along fine as you can see. I'm back on my protein shakes now that I can stomach them again :)
So aside from getting better this weekend Friday night was a complete fail. I was suppose to watch someone perform at TOWN and missed out on that, and then when I saw a group of my buds there one of them was acting fu-tarded and trying to be all touchy over my face with me (FAIL) and then my buddy Matt thought it'd be cool ta just but his hands in his pants n grab my face (MEGAFail) and then use the big boi voice trying ta front askin what I was gonna do about this.
Alcohol makes brave assholes out of all of us I get. Imma address him when I see him at the gym. So yeah, fail for Friday.

Saturday was cool, hung out with my best friends (well minus one who I think is in Libya now) and played games. Family nights....my kind of nights :-) Sooooo glad I have them here.
Sunday was pretty chill too...I met up with a friend of mine who was BBQ'n. He celebratin his big 3-0 this Friday! SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS!

I gotta ease into alcohol and make sure it doesn't effect my run time. Friday I was out of breath from Burke Lake (i'll blame that on sinuses ^_^) and yesterday I knocked out 6miles on the treadmill adding hills too!

All these fun things yet I can't figure out the cure for loneliness. Wish it was like before I was gay, when I felt more comfortable with myself but I guess getting to know the new me hasta take some time...hopefully not too long. I don't mind being alone physically...I just hate it mentally! Good to come home to Reese tho :-) my lil princess!

Needs a hug

Had a dream...
...I could smell him
He was so close...
...I could taste him
Holding me in his arms...
...I felt at peace

And then woke up...hugging my active rambunctious teddy bear, Reese now


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Medinah Ln,Alexandria,United States

ahhhh where to jib n jab today

GOOD MORNING WORLD

It's february and I'm still on the red carpet waving away my 20s. 30s is gonna be all about self-improvement. I've taken the baby steps of owning who I am but there is something I haven't chipped away yet and I'm afraid to let it go.

MY IMAGe
Am I walking down the catwalk in jeans and a no name brand t-shirt or am I walking down in this fabulous outfit brought to you Nordstroms? It's hard to say but when I look back at my pics I didn't care what I wore and part of me thinks *UGH! Fashion victim!* what a mess! And the other part is like....that's real!
So I guess maybe a good thing to do would be compromise. Real friends will like you for being you. Be real with yourself and when you can accept that person you'll find this confidence n swag about you that will attract the right kind of guy who will be into you and not this image you work hard to portray

Single
This part has concerned me for a while. I hafta love myself fully before sharing this guy with someone else. My other issue is wanting what I can't have. Someone who wants to give themselves to me doesn't interest me yet oddly when I see a guy playing hard to get I play the role of throwin myself at them (not hardcore tho...i'm not dense). I'm not the guy that likes to hookup. I would honestly rather have something solid and real in life. I worked my butt off in life and would love nothing more than to have someone that compliments my personality to share it with. I have these male figures who have made impressions on my life and hurt me. And we all know the pain a heart goes through...imagine not having those feelings until you hit 27! I got sooo much catching up and maturing in this area to do. Marlon was the first man I ever intimately loved and had feelings for. I could still picture him as my superman. Darrell took the other piece of my heart and after reading my blogs and seeing how although I was rejected but still kept him for sex I can't blame him for my immature actions. I knew what I wanted, it wasn't available so I set out to hurt him like he hurt me. P!nk describes this situation PERFECTLY!!!

Four days of personnel hell of after saying I LOVE YOU to have nothing...no hug, no communication. Just family there to pick me up. He hurt the hell out of me...more so I hurt myself because I could not come to terms with reality. I've cut guys out of my life no problem...I thought I had lost that part of my personality but Marlon helped me find it when I cut him out of life (update - We talk, we're better friends now that I've accepted the reality of friendship. The feeling is that of a calm lake in a volcano lol! And I feel that the only person that can make this volcano erupt is me, so it takes a little bit of energy to focus on other things in life so that I don't go there). Back to Darrell and how mean and nasty I decided to be...for the pain the TRUE PAIN i went through for four days and missing my birthday I used the powers of manipulation and my mean side to basically bake a FUCK YOU cake. I showed excitement and commitment to being at his promotion ceremony and on the day it happened bailed out on that. That took care of the "not being there" / birthday issue. Last item...my broken heart. I can't break someone's heart who doesn't love me...so when I saw his ex of 10years at TOWN and he told me that I was with his man during the time they were together I had to pause. Here it was...in a pretty box and bow! Do I take the bait? Yes! The last item on the list...befriend the ex and tell him what he wanted to know. The ex used that information and it got back to him (months later but it hit). Dealing with an ex you may or may not have feelings, but dealing with an ex and hearing what you told what you thought was a good friend personal information was enough or as far as I was going to push for a jab at his heart. I made a promise that I would never go after his career and because I made that promise I kept it (and I'm glad I did! Karmas a bitch and I don't want that coming back to me).

Darrell - I've never EVER gone soo far or worked so hard to hurt someone. I now after writing it out and reading how immature, spiteful, vindictive I was feel remorse and am very and truly sorry from the bottom of my now unbroken heart....I'm leaving shit like this behind me...as part of my 20s. I didn't know how to let go..I'm there now. You deserved some of it for being an asshole but I was the bigger and meaner asshole and I need to find a different way to vent. Never in my life did I think I could truly "unlove" or maybe this too is a calm lake in a volcano. But in the end I'm sooo sorry papo and hope that if you can't forgive me that you accept my apology. I promise (and I keep those) that I will NEVER ever hurt you like that again. It's history and will remain that way.

These were the big ones in my life. M & D.

Reese has a piece of my heart now! And she is in a playful mood...time to end this blog, Dirty

My poor baby is feelin better

Poor poor lil Miss Reesie this morning was getting over a bug which caused her to shit all over her kennel and throw up with Patty (my excellent dog walker). I got home around 5ish and she's been a ball of energy (thank goodness)...gave her some rice with her food, and well I got some work I gotta do (which I'll do in bed) but I'm glad she feels better.

Cute pic of her and Rupert :-) Night all

3 weeks sober

Yayyy...this is hard but I'm doing it. This won't last forever but it's cool to know I can. I'm ready to end it since I can get back in my jeans no problem (YEssss!) but I'm saving an assload of cash coming home with money in my wallet on weekends!

I hadn't seen the boys (except Matt my workout buddy) in a minute and part of that reasoning was to avoid the player I had mentioned in previous logs. But when I hung out tonight I had these things on my mind.

1.) Have fun
2.) You're 30 and don't got time for small petty drama. Let it go...

Sooo I don't wanna be a Sammi (evil Jersey bitch) and close everyone out and be in my own world (I will miss that, cuz I do have a kickass world that I luv boxing myself into...except during the holidays, then it becomes my hell), so I met up with all, had a blast and didn't make anything awkward. Back to the alkie!

What normally would be a 3-5 servings of gray goose rose kennedy followed by some delicious McDs turned into club soda n lime and Reese's puff cereal (i <3 PB!!)
I had fun, danced and drove home with the courage to speed and be pulled over.
The guys had a blast, wish I would've had everyone over but it was daddy n puppy bonding time. We watched some tv then went to bed. She hasn't done anything to get her bed privileges with me revoked so that's good.

Reese hasn't grown in 2 months! She's reached the perfect big teddy bear height! She's calmed down a bit or at least has puppy energy now n then. She's the cutest dog in the whole world! I mean others have cute dogs, but there can only be one CUTEST! And not to brag but uhhhh yea I got her :-)
No dog park today for Reesie...snow and wet paws r not on the menu...well maybe lol! ohhhh no, I gotta go to Gainesville today n catch the Saints game. I need to find where I can get some baked wings....maybe whole foods? I'll check have a terrific weekend all! One more week till MLK! Sure am gonna miss this 3day weekends after pres day :-/

I <3 my bartenders but so does my wallet.

2010 wrap up

What a year what a year...adios 2010! So what happened? A love obsession, snow storms, new jobs, new puppy, and finally acceptance into the kingdom of 30s.

Cut the cord with Vega aka fuckwad back in August....heard from him once since then and it wasn't a 'hey, how r u' so I hammered the last nail to that coffin politely with a lose my number and "fuck you". That piece of history can stay with 09-10...and thank goodness that feeling won't linger around. So lesson learned in 2010...I can unlove someone! IT AIN'T EVER EASY, but it was done and the feeling is awesome to re-gain what I gave away. Of course since I've regained my heart I haven't been looking to be vulnerable with someone else, so in time we'll see what happens. Marlon and I had a storm back in Feb and got back in contact after August or September (i think Sept). We're better people and I try my best to keep my distance. It will get better in time (en shalla!)

Snow storms - OMG! Stuck in the house DEC2K9 and Feb 10 two times. Incredible! Well the last time VA had it bad like that was in 96. I doubt we will have snowy winters back to back, but this one has been pretty cold (specially since we just starting out). Got me a snow shovel from last year and miss my sis aka other shoveler but so far this year we are good!

New jobs - I left the pentagon to go to crystal city as an engineer. I wanted to work closer to fuckwad. The job was fun at first cause I was in jeans and polo, and didn't have anything to do the first couple months but pend clearance...wheee! break for mike! small cut in pay but I was doin my thing, walkin around crystal city and catching some rays. Kept up with the gym and my workout buddy Matt around noon. Things weren't happening between me and fuckwad. I was just a fuck buddy but didn't wanna own it...pride blinded me, but in the end that's what I was. An object that I never wanted to be...hurt because I loved him, I crashed. So work was on a downward slope. I didn't care for the job after I got clearance and didn't want to stay in crystal city. I got me a new puppy --> (we'll go back to this soon)

New puppy - Reese! Born 6JUN2010. She's a doll and for the most part is a great dog. She's not a chewer or barker (that much). She's daddy's lil angel/monster. I got her on the 7th of August. I sold my four plex, got some cash and quit Mantech to be with Reese for her first months. During that time she grew up and I got to be with her for 3 1/2 months.

Unemployed - Yes even with the unemployment rate circling near 10% I wanted a break...a real break! So after my boss at Mantech sent me a very disturbing email I quit on the spot! and left my badges there. I blew crystal city a kiss and got the hell outta dodge. That was when I cut ties with EVERYTHING (job and fuckwad) in crystal city and chucked the deuce. I studied Exchange 2k10 (and gotta keep studying it), landed a new gig -->

New jobs (cont) - After Reese hit 5 months it was time to get back to work. Had something with Belvoir (DITRA) that sounded right up my avenue but they got a hiring freeze. Interviewed well with CACI to go to Iraq/Afghan...almost made it to SME on Messaging but was 6months shy of 12years experience. What a retarded hiring manager!!!! Well his mistake was my blessing cause dirty got a KICKASS job at belvoir (DLA) 5miles away from home and paying very nicely (2 snaps *work biatch!*).
Our PM demotivates everyone in our office and I'm hoping they replace her before everyone walks out. My architect and I will hang out there cause bread is bread.

30s - So with the new pup and gig I look at everything in my house and I'm totally happy with the way my house looks, what I drive (she's in the shop now...her alternator went kaput!) and I guess my material possessions. 30s will be about enjoying what I got and saving a lil more for the future. I look at what I just wrote down and smile...I see this red carpet with a BIG [3|0] door entrance and I got a big grin because I'm ready! I did my passage in the 20s of having crap furniture, plastic drawers, clothes that I could afford, the ARMY and am now in this awesome spot...I'm on the red carpet walking closer to those doors and I'm sooo ready! I made my goal in HS to be this 6-figga ni**a without a degree and I did it through the power of certifications and continuing education. Maybe when I'm walking on the red carpet to the [4|0] I'll have someone escorting me :-) time will tell...till then I'll dance my way to the doors keep my shades on and lookin fly

Happy new year everyone! Adios 2010! BRING IT 2011!!!

The pre-30's have begun

Well last night I had a blast meeting the guys out at the old EFN place, getting hooked up on drinks and hosting a small after gathering at my place. I really do luv having small crowds at my place. It really feels like home having those close to me be in my house. It's funny how I always thought I would hafta beg obnoxitonians to come over but when your got friends that are just cool cool, we got southern VA and MD folks that just come over. That's wassup! i luv my family of friends.

So this morning I did my last late wakeup (at least till Thurs..got a job! We'll get into that) and had four people over. I made breakfast and we all had some good convo. Bdays came up and we got a LOT of cancer babies in our small group...I'm turning 30! Not to be narcissistic but I LOOK great for someone turning 30! I'm not at the halfway hump of 29 yet but looking in the mirror and thinking of some of the guys I know in their 30s I welcome giving 30 the hot sexy 25 look it deserves!

Ok so looking back at my 20s I reflect on the army (joined at 19) and how the only good..i'm sorry BEST thing to come out of that mistake is my long lasting continuing 10year friendship with my bff Chris and his wife Tiffany aka my family. If I had to go through that f'n hell all over again, I would do it just cause they are worth it. I got my first fourplex out of it too when I turned 20. The commander would not sign off on me owning property because I was so young and what would I know about managing properties. The bank did not want to proceed without having that letter. IDK where I got my business savvy mind but I told them that if they did NOT process that loan, another bank would. I refuse to let someone in the army dictate my financial situation. Got the loan, and the closed. The commander did not want to give me BAQ to live off-post so I maintained a room in the barracks. One day someone was living in MY space though! Ohhhh HELLLZ nah! I may not live there, but that room is MINE unless you gimme my money. Got back paid two months BAQ! So that was my first property and of course being me not caring what the commander or army thought. Mike does Mike. Period.

So the army days lasted till OCT 2004. After that I took a holiday and got my MCSE! I moved in with my besties (for like 6mos) and bought another 4plex (sold the other one in 2003. What a dump!). This 4plex was beautiful and right off the golf course! Was a real cash cow even till the end (netting 16 off of it). I moved to Kuwait in 2005-2007DEC. I loved being in the desert. This was the first time I got to be a six figga n***a! I was rocking my HS Diploma and showing myself and the world what you can do. I achieved my goal a year early of earning that money by 25. I did it. Good feeling of accomplishment. That's years 24-26.

26-Present I would say focuses on myself coming out of the closet. This was very difficult for me to do. I always wanted the wife, picket fence, and kids (especially to play with my BFFs kids). That wasn't in God's plan though and I threw the towel in. I was tired of never having a relationship and being 26. I wanted to know what love was and have someone else love me. So I've been knocked down and got up and fell down again. Patience is something that will develop with age I suppose. I fell in love with my hero (Marlon) and a heartbreaker who lied to me (Darrell). I have my walls up, I date now but find it hard to be vulnerable just cause I hate the PAIN that comes with love. I seriously do want my prince charming but in time that will come. I have a great group of friends and love that my BFFs live only 40mins away. Some friends have disappeared or just plain nix'ed having me as a friend (PS-And i frankly dont give a f***).

Maybe 30 will be the best decade of my life! But to sum up what's going on now, I'm 29, have a terrific dog that I love and she loves me and a new job! I am a Microsoft Engineer! F'n did it! To all those who want to shine and excel in life here's a tip. It's not the piece of paper that you hang on a wall.
...
....it's that CPU in-between your EARS!

Tomorrow is my first day on the job! I will be re-hiring my maids and getting a dog walking service for lil miss Reese. Gym will have to be done around 8pm. Pre-30s are great! Bring it on June!

TGIF & Happy Fiscal Year!!!

Oct 1st! My fav holiday growing up was Halloween. The spookiness...the CANDY!!! Haunted houses or mazes! FUN FUN FUN! N e who I still love this time of year...i left the windows down last night and got a nice breeze. I luv the feeling of a cool breeze while snuggled underneath blankets :-)....Hot cocoa would be the icing on the cake this morning.

Ok so today I'm gonna find out what jobs are available now that we hit 1OCT...tell Lockheed to get up off their ass and send me an offer (I'll fill u guys in on that later). Today is chest day! Wahoo! My fav muscle group! Anything else planned? Not sure...might hit sunflower up after the workout. Gotta give Reese her meds this morning and tomorrow she has her rabies shot! YESSSS! After she gets that I'm gonna socialize her at dog parks. Training is going well, but could be better. I'm gonna take her to Petsmart on Saturdays for puppy training. She's growing so fast!

TGIF ALL! ~c!a0

I'm back

and I've got things to say! First off 2010...where did time go? The last days of my 20s are slipping away but what has gone on this past year...the good, the bad and the ugly. Let's start with family as they are sooo damn close to my heart.

Dad - Easiest update...he's happy with life and getting more and more gray hairs. He still has all his hair and so did my grandfather on my mom's side...YES!!!! This is good news here (*pats that weave*)

Mom- She's going through a tuff battle with her fibromyalgia which causes her cronic pain and depression. I really hope that she can find the panacea for this epidemic or something that can ease her pain and mind. Hope to update some good news on Mom :-)

Jackie- The chick got married! :-o I KNOW! Right? She did it! She got married the day after my parents anniversary (horray...yet another June celebration) and moved to Hawaii with her marine, Garrett. They're happy over there...her cat is with my parents until the end of October and I think Jax is sooo excited to get her lil kitty cat back

Reese- Yes! Newwwwwww Members! Reese was born on 6/6/2010. She is an ADORABLE
cockapoo...Awwwww! I know! Daddy luvs you!!!! Ok ok so we've been together now...umm a few months now. She's a fast learner and of course a diva. She doesn't like to follow orders unless there's food involved so she's gonna take a puppy training course soon (and I'll blog about that).
She can already: Sit, Shake, Lie down, Give hi-5s, and we're working on rollover.

~*MoI*~ Let's start with something positive. I have a boyfriend. I know! When have I ever blogged that before? He's a great guy, very thoughtful and nice. I have some worries/fears about this relationship...mostly the *spark* factor. I went through so much heartache with Marlon and Darrell (<-- Liar! Manipulator! Cold!...Bravo! You got me u sick fuck! This punk ass bitch juggles me wit his man! Wow....wow! So glad his man left his dumbass...and he got robbed! Ain't karma a BEYOTCH!)...but I digress so much heartache that I built up walls. I'm not trying to be vulnerable and this may bite me. Ok so that if you can go back to the 2nd sentence is the good news.

I quit my gig the 12th of August. Enough was enough...I took a systems engineering job with Mantech and documented shit for the 5months I was there...How fuckin annoying is it to accept a cool job and not do it? I know! Thanks ITT for the $$$ and my family for showing me how to save. I'm gonna try and start work the beginning of October and hopefully get an SCI out of it. The big goal is to work with my old boss who fuckin rocks, Eric Stevenson back in the world of exchange (only) but I need an SCI first. So no work, but no worries...the bills are paid and if anything I depleting my sister's inheritence if anything should happen to me (sorry! lol!)

I closed the doors on Marlon in Jan or Feb and recently opened the doors. I'm gonna try and keep it the way things use to be. Y dirty? Y? Well I've lost enough close people to my heart that I didn't wanna shun him out. Dirty Dick Darrell put a blackhole in my heart (I see his name and feel anger. If he fuckin died or just fell off this gawd dayum Earth right now there would be more oxygen for me to breathe), Cameron cut me after that FAB-U-LOUS trip to Toronto...I got a Linked in invitation from him today and was like...hmmm...are we opening communications?

Generic Subject line read: Cameron Hernandez wants to stay in touch on LinkedIn
So I wrote back saying:
Nope...u know how to stay in touch

He wrote back saying that all his gmail contacts got that message and sorry for the annoyance. I almost wrote back cause I miss him like a brother but Oh well...I too can cut ni99as like barbers cut hair...it's just harder to let go when they're more than 'just a friend'...his choice, not mine..Thank goodness I got Chris & Tiff still in my life...that 10year friendship is solid!...and moving on! lol!...let's see...something positive...something positive...Weight training! Yes!

Been hitting the gym hard wit my boi Matt! We got a great routine going and hopefully this next summer aka Dirty's 30 (oooof!) I'll be takin dem pix..lookin all fly n shyt...imma be spreadin my wings (do it do it!) OOOkkkkk!. Arms - Monday / Back - Tuesday / Abs - Wednesday /Legs - Thursday / Chest - Friday. Also after watching Food Inc, I'm more cognitive about what I eat.
I try and buy local and for meats will buy from a farmers market or whole foods. When I asked Harris Teeter where they bought there meat they said "North Carolina"...ooook...I need more info than that...what ranch do you guys buy ur meet from? Are the cows fed grass or corn? They coward down to the already sliced organic meat...two choices of meat..F! Harris Teeter! F! F! F!

So yeah I will be slowly moving the grocery list to whole foods eventually. Eating rights costs a lot of f'n cash! I might as well just have Sunflower cater for me! :-) hmmmmm.....lol!

Last negative to put out for 2010...the finale to Lost sucked! WTF?!?! We all called that shyt 4-5 seasons ago! Purgatory! Bah!

Ok this was a long post...had a lot to say and it's getting late. this blog will be updated! Dirty's back! And he's got sum jibber-jabber that needs to be said dammit!

Like why do my facebook friends feel the need to spread religion?
What chemical in HFCS makes it the worse sugar ever?
Is alcohol or more so a bar a great place to seek salvation?
Will I move to NYC?