2010 wrap up

What a year what a year...adios 2010! So what happened? A love obsession, snow storms, new jobs, new puppy, and finally acceptance into the kingdom of 30s.

Cut the cord with Vega aka fuckwad back in August....heard from him once since then and it wasn't a 'hey, how r u' so I hammered the last nail to that coffin politely with a lose my number and "fuck you". That piece of history can stay with 09-10...and thank goodness that feeling won't linger around. So lesson learned in 2010...I can unlove someone! IT AIN'T EVER EASY, but it was done and the feeling is awesome to re-gain what I gave away. Of course since I've regained my heart I haven't been looking to be vulnerable with someone else, so in time we'll see what happens. Marlon and I had a storm back in Feb and got back in contact after August or September (i think Sept). We're better people and I try my best to keep my distance. It will get better in time (en shalla!)

Snow storms - OMG! Stuck in the house DEC2K9 and Feb 10 two times. Incredible! Well the last time VA had it bad like that was in 96. I doubt we will have snowy winters back to back, but this one has been pretty cold (specially since we just starting out). Got me a snow shovel from last year and miss my sis aka other shoveler but so far this year we are good!

New jobs - I left the pentagon to go to crystal city as an engineer. I wanted to work closer to fuckwad. The job was fun at first cause I was in jeans and polo, and didn't have anything to do the first couple months but pend clearance...wheee! break for mike! small cut in pay but I was doin my thing, walkin around crystal city and catching some rays. Kept up with the gym and my workout buddy Matt around noon. Things weren't happening between me and fuckwad. I was just a fuck buddy but didn't wanna own it...pride blinded me, but in the end that's what I was. An object that I never wanted to be...hurt because I loved him, I crashed. So work was on a downward slope. I didn't care for the job after I got clearance and didn't want to stay in crystal city. I got me a new puppy --> (we'll go back to this soon)

New puppy - Reese! Born 6JUN2010. She's a doll and for the most part is a great dog. She's not a chewer or barker (that much). She's daddy's lil angel/monster. I got her on the 7th of August. I sold my four plex, got some cash and quit Mantech to be with Reese for her first months. During that time she grew up and I got to be with her for 3 1/2 months.

Unemployed - Yes even with the unemployment rate circling near 10% I wanted a break...a real break! So after my boss at Mantech sent me a very disturbing email I quit on the spot! and left my badges there. I blew crystal city a kiss and got the hell outta dodge. That was when I cut ties with EVERYTHING (job and fuckwad) in crystal city and chucked the deuce. I studied Exchange 2k10 (and gotta keep studying it), landed a new gig -->

New jobs (cont) - After Reese hit 5 months it was time to get back to work. Had something with Belvoir (DITRA) that sounded right up my avenue but they got a hiring freeze. Interviewed well with CACI to go to Iraq/Afghan...almost made it to SME on Messaging but was 6months shy of 12years experience. What a retarded hiring manager!!!! Well his mistake was my blessing cause dirty got a KICKASS job at belvoir (DLA) 5miles away from home and paying very nicely (2 snaps *work biatch!*).
Our PM demotivates everyone in our office and I'm hoping they replace her before everyone walks out. My architect and I will hang out there cause bread is bread.

30s - So with the new pup and gig I look at everything in my house and I'm totally happy with the way my house looks, what I drive (she's in the shop now...her alternator went kaput!) and I guess my material possessions. 30s will be about enjoying what I got and saving a lil more for the future. I look at what I just wrote down and smile...I see this red carpet with a BIG [3|0] door entrance and I got a big grin because I'm ready! I did my passage in the 20s of having crap furniture, plastic drawers, clothes that I could afford, the ARMY and am now in this awesome spot...I'm on the red carpet walking closer to those doors and I'm sooo ready! I made my goal in HS to be this 6-figga ni**a without a degree and I did it through the power of certifications and continuing education. Maybe when I'm walking on the red carpet to the [4|0] I'll have someone escorting me :-) time will tell...till then I'll dance my way to the doors keep my shades on and lookin fly

Happy new year everyone! Adios 2010! BRING IT 2011!!!

The old me's dead n gone....dead n gone

I lost that fight, but not that war I still see my nicca walkin out tha door. Don't turn ur head walk away, I'll be back up on my feet some day. Play with my emotions? My nicca that's trife. Go on get the hell on walk out my life! Ooooo I've been waitin for this day soo long. Findin out where we belong. Never knew YOU could be so wrong....now the old me's dead n gone...dead n gone.

Aight I'm gonna blog about this and then move forward. I took myself off of facebook cause I did not know how to address my feelings towards this guy I liked. I figured if I ignored him on here he wouldn't pop up in my profile thus not havin me think about him. But damn you new facebook (ummm yeah I'm still considerin it new) ur stoopid HIGHLIGHTS section should reflect who I ignore.

I don't like not having control over my emotions. I felt like I was a stalker or obsessed so I was like fuck this i'll close my page down and will deal with this situation. When I'm calm cool and collective. So around midnight I get a text from him and I may have had a drink or 6 (but who counts?). So after we were both like ok...love you on SMS I was like go for it. So I owned that I liked him more than a friend and that I think he knows that and like to know if he wanted somethin more or just leave things where they are at.

What could be worse than hearing no? Not hearing a GAWD DAYUM MOTHERFUCKIN THING AT ALL. Now one of my bois who has a real good head on his shoulders said that a week is not long enuf, you probably scared him...think of what he's goin through and how you'd feel. Let him process this. I understand that, but to not have contact or say let's talk later. I mean fuck...anything is better than nothing. A polite No would've been better. But nada. So after day 3 I was crushed that someone I felt so close to as a friend would just let me slip like that, especially him knowing how sensitive I am towards my feelings. (and if u're reading this, you know it)

So I picked myself up...dusted my shoulders, burned a candle and cut my hair. Whatever we had just wasn't their. One day I will learn the value and loyalty of being a friend. I find the masochist approach I have damaging yet not discomforting since I grew up with little to no friends. I'm not gonna say it feels good to cut people out of my life. Toss them aside like rubbish. It doesn't....but I'm done and most likely won't look back. So now it's out there.

On another note my facebook family I have cut off all notifications on here. So don't you feel ignored if I don't get back at you right away. My work loves making me work and we all know how that fuckin excites princess! NOT! Fairy tells shouldn't have 7-4 jobs. lol! It's going ok...i like the team that I got. I couldn't freakin make it in that place without Kristina (seriously! she took a sick day and I was ready to throw the towel in). Ooooh it's raining...*iLuv hearin the rain tap on the roof*. I got a new Dining Room set! Last night Cam, Gary and I went to a furniture store before watchin the proposal (Sandra bullock and Betty White...need i say more???). Walked into a 30% off sale and asked them if the cortona table and chairs were on sale. She said yes. OMG Princess! Put ur AMEX away!!! Show some fuckin discipline! 12months interest free you say??? "Tucks AMEX back in wallet"...let's see what we can work out. So my birthday present to me is my brand new dining room set. Yaaaay! Delivery is next friday. Can't wait!!!!=) *smooches all**

Update

Wow....A whole month since my last blog! What's happened since then? New friendships, new house, tiny raise, same love life. But let me elaborate! =)

So Josie and I joined the SportRock club off Eisenhower Ave. It's a great activity and gives your forearms a good workout. Equipment to buy I guess came close to $200 (Harness, Chalk/Bag, shoes). Money well spent if you do it for a year. So I met someone rock climbing who is turning out to be a great friend, JR. I definitely don't have expectations when it comes to friends (particularly in the gay crowd), but I must say that after knowing him for over a month now he is a genuine caring person who loves to laugh, and that reflects well off my personality.

I like the fact that he has a boyfriend so that I know everything is strictly platonic and there are no mind games to be played. I've been rock climbing with him, movies, bars, clubs, live shows, etc..It's really awesome to know that if this friendship keeps developing the way it's going that I'll actually have someone in my life that isn't all about the bars. Don't get me wrong, I love heading out to TOWN, cobalts, nel's, JRs and all...it's just that I'm not 100% about that. And I think that it is also my fault. I mean come on Michael...if you just go to bars, and see the same people...who are you making friends with. I did get invited to go Nature hoping somewhere west of VA (...and if it wasn't for all the family stuff and moving goin on I totally would've went) and stay in a cabin (Thanks Lonnie). There are some diamonds in the rough when you go to clubs, but it's hard finding them. I'm winging off this cycle though. Not not going to the clubs...just making sure my life has more than the clubs.

The house. I finally got it! It's mine! All mine!!! yaaaaay!!!! w00t w00t!!! I am a landlord in VA for one week. The guys will be out on the 1st. I'm hoping they move out carefully...i don't want to keep there deposits. That is not my style. Having cash in ur hand is a nice feeling, so again...crossing my fingers they move out gracefully. I'm painting my room dual tone. A light orange/pumpkin/melon and off white cream for the loft. It will look fabulous, TRUST!
I can't wait....I'm really very very excited!!! ^_^
I'm gonna pack the remainder of my kitchen tonight. Yup...paper plates and plastic cutlery here on out! The house party is gonna rock. That I promise! I'm tempted to make tacos because that is an awesome drunk food! Or I can be lazy and order out. Decisions, decisions! Well if I do cook, iLuv the stove in my place!! It freakin rocks! Oh and guess who now has an automatic ice maker! yaaaaay!! w00t w00t! So anyways, I will post pics of the improvements. So excited!

Ok on to my raise. Well my boss rocks. I got the best performance review in my shop (hold your applause). We got our reviews about two weeks ago. My PM said I'm doing a hell of a job. I got 4s & 5s on my review (5 being the top). My raise...LOL! 2%. I shit you not! 2%. My PM actually told me that I woulda made like 500 bucks more if the review was for 12months not 10. However I am sooo fuckin sharp at math and numbers and saw his math was off $300. Soooo I did the best I could at happy hour to make them pay the difference. I rung up $245 worth of food! I fuckin shit you not! And this thursday...I'm bringing a bag with me! Oh princess is not happy! So bad raise, what can you do to motivate me? I mentioned that I was interested in SharePoint, and my PM brought up taking a class. Sounds cool, all I need is my supervisor and office lead's approval. So that was easy to get...they knew my raised sucked and thought I deserved the class. So I got their blessing. And then my PM re-nigged! He told the office lead that SharePoint has nothing to do with what we do and that I could take a windows or exchange class. Oh princess took her tiara off, put the extensions on her hair...snapped her chicken neck IN THE OFFICE and licked her upper lip and said "Mutherfucker, WHAT?!?" to the office lead. I was short on words at the time...my raise sucked and the fuckin hologram of a carrot they dangled in front of my face disappeared. Why the fuck would you lie to me? Ok...no worries. I'm in control of my emotions. So my PM owes me $86 for pizza and I'm collecting Monday (manana). I'm going to let him know that I'm very disappointed with his decisions and that the class would've helped me grow technically along with build up my motivation after the small raise I received. Yes, I've slept on this and that is the most diplomatic way I could think of addressing this (withholding emotions). So that's what's up in the office.

Same love life. You know what. I think about how obsessed I was with Marlon and craving his love and affection. A month or two ago he was honest and expressed no romantic interest in me. That needed to be said so that I know to stop trying. He was over me, and I told him that I needed two things from him. Time and understanding. He's given me that. Since then my heart doesn't sink thinking about him and we talk about everything on the phone. I understand him as a person and know that he brings different things to the table, along with my other friends. I told him that he's a pain in the ass and that I would never welcome someone else like him in my life. It's way to time consuming! I haven't got the energy! So that's is an awesome thing I got going in my life.

Friends - The stripping of titles. This helped me out with Marlon. Marlon was the first everything for me. So putting him where he is now in my life was probably the hardest mental thing I've ever had to go through in life. And like the brady bunch "You know I've learned something" ;-) Silver linings...iLuv 'em. I use to be so quick to cut people out of my life, that i'm finding it not easier but better to learn about them. I'm so interested in the behaviors of others. I've taken away titles from friends who don't need them. The only two friends who hold titles as best friends are Chris and Tiff. They are my family...genuine awesome people and I luv them and their kids to death! Titles and what they did for me. People who held titles like First Love, First friend, First whatever held this pot of energy. And if they were 20% I'd go 80...most of the time it was 40/60 & 60/40. The 40/60 60/40 stuff rocks. I do love my friends, but if they wrong me I let them know so that I don't hold it in or if I can't think of the right thing to say I'll tell them if they are important enough that I love you, you know this but I gotta get back with you later bout something. I know that I have a rather self-absorbed behavior and that's why I have to think about things. Not be impulsive to respond but gather my thoughts.

I was suppose to meetup with a group of buddies on the 13th. The meetup spot was JRs and from there we'd go to Zig's/Secrets grand opening. I made it to DC and got a message that they were headin out to Zig's. Tried calling and sent a txt. No dice. I did not want to go by myself there and then got upset..And I caught myself slippin! I smiled because I was in the zone! I saw my attitude change because I felt left out/abandoned once again. So I went over to Nellie's to grab a beer. My new goal was to not go home upset. I will use my AMEX or whatever...go to a movie...something! But I will not let my group send me home upset. So I texted around and got a hold of my buddy JR. He was headin to TOWN and I was next door so I was like cool. Let's do it! I ended up havin an awesome night. My group ended up there (no calls/txts) and my mask came on (what can I say? Rome wasn't built in a day....baby steps!). So I was nonchalant and was not gonna deal with that situation at that point. I think if people grow to know me and my history they know that I didn't grow up with a vast amount of friends. And a lot of it is because of my self absorbed attitude and cutting people off. The right thing to do is let people know why you are upset with them and if they give a damn, they'll hit you up with an apology or good reasoning. If not then you cut them off.
I personally think that the above situation doesn't need any more energy put towards it (except for maybe stating why I felt the way I felt). When I write it out I feel the emotions on the keyboard. I don't wanna carry that chip anymore tho. So anyways I love my friends enough to let them go....not cut them off anymore, but let them be where they wanna be in my life. I got awesome advice from a friend that next time just ask how long they are gonna be at a certain place and if they'll wait for me. That sounds fair. And I'll do that next time. BLLLLAAAAAAH!

I hate Valentine's Day! Worse holiday in the world that was made up to unload the chrismas candy shit that couldn't sale followed by Jesus who is represented by chocolate rabbits (more candy!). Ok, I've digressed...Vday wasn't anything special. I did hang out with my sis and saw Taken. I'm becoming a movie buff and paying Hollywood well for it too!

This blog is long but I hope it makes up for the one month loss.