The old me's dead n gone....dead n gone

I lost that fight, but not that war I still see my nicca walkin out tha door. Don't turn ur head walk away, I'll be back up on my feet some day. Play with my emotions? My nicca that's trife. Go on get the hell on walk out my life! Ooooo I've been waitin for this day soo long. Findin out where we belong. Never knew YOU could be so wrong....now the old me's dead n gone...dead n gone.

Aight I'm gonna blog about this and then move forward. I took myself off of facebook cause I did not know how to address my feelings towards this guy I liked. I figured if I ignored him on here he wouldn't pop up in my profile thus not havin me think about him. But damn you new facebook (ummm yeah I'm still considerin it new) ur stoopid HIGHLIGHTS section should reflect who I ignore.

I don't like not having control over my emotions. I felt like I was a stalker or obsessed so I was like fuck this i'll close my page down and will deal with this situation. When I'm calm cool and collective. So around midnight I get a text from him and I may have had a drink or 6 (but who counts?). So after we were both like ok...love you on SMS I was like go for it. So I owned that I liked him more than a friend and that I think he knows that and like to know if he wanted somethin more or just leave things where they are at.

What could be worse than hearing no? Not hearing a GAWD DAYUM MOTHERFUCKIN THING AT ALL. Now one of my bois who has a real good head on his shoulders said that a week is not long enuf, you probably scared him...think of what he's goin through and how you'd feel. Let him process this. I understand that, but to not have contact or say let's talk later. I mean fuck...anything is better than nothing. A polite No would've been better. But nada. So after day 3 I was crushed that someone I felt so close to as a friend would just let me slip like that, especially him knowing how sensitive I am towards my feelings. (and if u're reading this, you know it)

So I picked myself up...dusted my shoulders, burned a candle and cut my hair. Whatever we had just wasn't their. One day I will learn the value and loyalty of being a friend. I find the masochist approach I have damaging yet not discomforting since I grew up with little to no friends. I'm not gonna say it feels good to cut people out of my life. Toss them aside like rubbish. It doesn't....but I'm done and most likely won't look back. So now it's out there.

On another note my facebook family I have cut off all notifications on here. So don't you feel ignored if I don't get back at you right away. My work loves making me work and we all know how that fuckin excites princess! NOT! Fairy tells shouldn't have 7-4 jobs. lol! It's going ok...i like the team that I got. I couldn't freakin make it in that place without Kristina (seriously! she took a sick day and I was ready to throw the towel in). Ooooh it's raining...*iLuv hearin the rain tap on the roof*. I got a new Dining Room set! Last night Cam, Gary and I went to a furniture store before watchin the proposal (Sandra bullock and Betty White...need i say more???). Walked into a 30% off sale and asked them if the cortona table and chairs were on sale. She said yes. OMG Princess! Put ur AMEX away!!! Show some fuckin discipline! 12months interest free you say??? "Tucks AMEX back in wallet"...let's see what we can work out. So my birthday present to me is my brand new dining room set. Yaaaay! Delivery is next friday. Can't wait!!!!=) *smooches all**