Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Goodbye Sterling - you will be missed!

This weekend I learned that Sterling Richardson was in the hospital, in dire condition and yesterday passed away.  Sterling was the first person I met in DC who was as genuine as can be and always had a positive attitude that shined about him.  Thank-you Sterl for playing a part of my life Sir.

I wish I could've been a better person towards him.  My nature for those who know me growing up I didn't really have when people take an interest in me, I'm always suspect, fearful and don't establish trust.  Why are you interested in me and my story?  Sterling was super nice and wanted to get to know me better as a person.  I spaced myself from him.  I'm socially stupid when it comes to spending one-one time with friends.  I have very few friends that I can do this with.  It almost feels like an interview of friendship.  Sounds stupid, but in my head that's what I think.  If you're reading this ask yourself; how often have we spent a day of friendship together?

It's mostly group stuff I bet.  Even when invited out, I'm usually good if it is a group atmosphere.  This costs me a lot of grief and crap when it comes to relationships.  Robert often wants to spend time with just me, and we live together.  Ugh - but I digress.  Sterling, I'm sorry that we didn't get to form that bond.  You had an interest in getting to know me better and that scared me.  Now the opportunity is lost.  I won't get to see you in DC with that backwards hat saying: Dirty!  Whats up brah! How you been man?  I haven't seen you in like forever.

I will miss that and it will be in the back of my head when I go out for drinks in DC.  I don't know fully what happened - just reading through the posts it sounds like you were battling depression.  That battle is tough...and it scares me.  I battle it too Sterl and I often think about how you can be overwhelmed and underwhelmed but can never be just whelm.  I choose to have anxieties.  I choose to always bury myself in things to do, overwork myself so that I'm not just sitting idle.  Sitting idle, not relaxing but sitting bored.  I could see that with you and how you had different functions going on in life.  And what scares me is one day that monster may come to me and snowball all my work to where I'm soo off balance that there is no coming back and I can't see all the friends that care for me.

I'm truly truly sorry from the bottom of heart that you're no longer here.  You meant a lot to several people.  Sorry I didn't show it man, but I will do better at trying to let people in.  I will work on my trust with humanity, so that I limit missed opportunities of saying goodbye.

For now my friend goodbye.  xoxoxoxoxo - dirty

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