Poetry

~*FRIENDSHIP*~

I need for you to realize you had my heart untold
It wasn't mine to give, yet it was just as good as sold
The quirks that I have make me judge myself inside
I can be harsh, bitter and confused. Yet my ego holds its pride

But always know that I love you and believe what we have is fate
And that I don't expect it back, you don't need to reciprocate
As far as 2nd place goes, your friendship is my consolation prize
It took me time to realize that it was I who must compromise

Just know that you are the most brilliant man I've ever met
You challenge my mind and heart, so I reap the benefits
The journey life has taken us still strikes hunger in my eyes
I wonder where we'll end up? Where do our futures lie?

Letting go of a dream; that was the hardest part!
But time heals all wounds, and I found solace in my heart
I gotta wrap this up babe, and just got one last thing to say:
You are my friend forever; have a Happy Thanksgiving Day!

AZ on hold (weekend)

New things in Life:
* My grandma moving to VA
* Therapy
* House Hunting
* Apt Hunting
* Guy Fishing

Ok so I thought that this weekend was gonna be a total 'CODE BLUE! CODE BLUE!' (this is not a drill)...I thought my grandma who was close to life support two weeks ago was ready to fly to VA. She's done some amazing recovery, but her doc won't let her fly for at least four weeks and then he'll check up with her. So she's counting the days down till she moves to VA. I was cramming family time this friday thinking that after Friday that was it...they will be stressed out and the seas won't be calm/settle till some time. Anywho, that is not the case. We def have time to prep for my grandma's arrival which RoCkS!

Therapy...initial consult went well. The guy didn't tell me to jump out his window head first and actually wants to continue to link up. So that's great! We just went over my history from childhood and I let my crazies out slowly...don't wanna scare him just yet :)
I won't see him this comin thursday cuz of turkey n stuff but i'm really lookin forward to that next visit n stuff =)

House Hunting- I must admit that I do like house hunting (till my ADHD kicks in). I like lookin at the architecture of a house and how the inside is setup. And then of course visioning walls knocked out and addin other cool stuff. So I went up to Lorton with my mom and saw this massive house. It looked nice, except they used plastic shelving and crap in the closets. That was lame and also the house was in a new housing development (Ugh! Little boxes on the hillside...little boxes made of tic...)

Apt Hunting - Well my sis wants to get outta springfield, so I'm lookin at diff apts in Arlington (townhome style) that has at least 3 floors, 2BR and 2 full baths. I'm hopin a bitchin deal comes up in the windgate community (cuz tha place is fückin fabül0us!)

Guy Fishing - Man...Heh! This sport would be real fun if I didn't have to be the asshole that says "Who did you come with? Oh well u should go find them". People should just be like "hey it was cool talkin wit you...i'm gonna walk around. Here's my number if you wanna shoot the shit sometime". Now THAT is whats up! But after clingy spice left iDid say hi to this guy who's been eyeballin me fo a minute. He seems cute so we'll see whats up.

Hope everyone has a good thanksgivin and enjoys their family ~ c!a0

Survivor Gab..(on)

Ok right off that bat, ever since you ladies took a bite from the forbidden fruit the first thought of knowledge you had was "How am I gonna get Adam to eat this?". Evil! Evil! Evil! Evil! Ok let's move onto Survivor. Now we all saw throughout the show that Randy was gonna get eliminated. Ok no problem, take a bow asshole and leave. The pure diabolical thinking of Sugar was outstanding drama that left my jaw dropping and laughing in the NCC (where I work). OMFG I fuckin loved it. Not only do you have the votes of being kicked out, but we're gonna take it up a level. Just for shits and grins, we're gonna have YOUR TEAMMATE (Bob) give you his fake immunity idol so that you can play it...and then we can all have one last laugh before you get yo shit and GO! Ohhhhh! It was fuckin beautiful! God bless DVR cuz I watched that scene 10 times from the part where Crystal blasted Randy out loud in the judging booth, to Jeff takin away his fire. Beautiful. I fuckin loved it! And man did I need this laugh! Have a terrific weekend ~*mUaH*~

LOST

Jan 21st Bitches!!!! w00t w00t!

opposes Prop 8....HOWEVER!

Wow...lots of things rollin in my head! I'll blog when i get 2 work!
Ok so I get to work and see that Connecticut has passed gay marriage. So my thoughts on this. Like any new idea that you bring onto the general public you kinda wanna crawl before walking. Somethings even deal with being decent to humans. We can look at over 400 years at how changes have been made.
From Slavery to Freedom, From Freedom to Segregation, From Segregation to Integration and from Integration to the Voting Act of 1964. Equal rights don't just happen over night.

Myself, I can appreciate seeing us stepping to the right direction. I could appreciate civil unions granting two men/women the same rights as a married couple. Drop the whole word marriage out of the equation. Years from now, people (not everyone) will numb down to the idea of marriage just being marriage. WE WILL NOT SEE THIS IN OUR LIFETIME, but we have to make positive footsteps in the right direction. Now I believe people have the right to pursue happiness. So if the direction the US is taking is not what you are looking for, then go pursue happiness....why make yourself miserable? I understand fighting for your rights, but if we can get civil unions approved, then that is a HUGE step in the right direction. I will re-iterate that we HAVE TO crawl before we walk.

400 years ago, you couldn't tell the people of America that we would have a black president. Hell 2 years ago people were saying "The US isn't ready for black president". It was joked/talked about on many TV programs. Wow....I mean WOW! I love seeing progress, and this is huge. I'd also love to see the gay community make progress....ONE STEP AT A TIME. Ok, I've said what I had to say about Prop 8 & Gay Marriage.

Biggest Loser: BlindSide

No fuckin way! Did you guys catch that episode?!? Ok well I didn't eat pizza this time while watchin the show but my heart dipped when I saw what's her name...Michelle go below the yellow line. Then Brady went under the line and of course that the naive blue team is winkin like "Psssh! We got you"...But oh was Amy smart! She KNOWS that she is NOT on the friendly four. So she took one of her threats out! I sooooo think that she should just get a black shirt and head back over with Jill. Her team is gonna treat her like SHIT....At least Vicky is gonna fuck with her head. She needs to outbeat Vicky...I want her gone!

Ok, awesome episode...lots of drama (sorry Phil, I don't like those blue guys)...SHIT! Gimme last season! 1, 2, 3 PRIDE!

New Blog....New Year

New blog, new year! Starting this December I will no longer post up my personal thoughts. I am going to jot those down in my private blog. I will keep this blog open to discuss non-personal issues, health stuff, jibber jabber shit and of course I will keep my p90x challenge results on this blog.

iNotice that when iWrite my blogs I tend to somewhat censor what is on my mind because you just never know who is reading. I've got so many thoughts that plague my mind...things that iNeed to talk with people about yet have not found that person who I can open up these inner personal thoughts to. Tiff is great, I talk to her about what is on my mind and get feedback that is just sort of...generic. It's great advice all the same but not what I crave. My sis offers good advice too.

I need someone's who was afraid to open up to others, who's been alone. Jumping into the club scene and trying to pick guys like melons ain't working. There's always gonna be something wrong with someone...that's what makes us all fuckin unique. So what is it gonna take for me to compromise and tolerate faults or flaws of others? I dunno....but this is something that I will explore and document. I do know this...There is NOTHING satisfying about a load of bread and bucket of water being handed to you. Satisfaction neither lies by handing a starving man a crumb of bread or allowing him to quench his thirst on a drop of water. In-between is that I want...Thanks for all the e-mails, chats and phone calls for those who have stuck by and helped me out. It was and is appreciated. Be safe over the holidays oO<:-D
~c!a0

2008...

you know...i've been pondering a lot about 2008. I'm not even done with the year (and I can't wait for it 2 b dun wit!) but I think about everything that has so far happened this year. The biggest thing this year is family.
Losing two family members within 10days of each other and then today hearing that my grandmother has broken heart syndrome. I'll get into that in a paragraph or two...That was the biggest thing this year.

Then falling in love, breaking my heart, chasing after a dream, to finally cutting the cord and moving forward (*marks one month anniversary*). I can view this as a set back, or as a lesson learned in time. Being the optomistic person I am, I'll smile look back on what it was and move forward. What I won't do is look back on what never was nor could've been. Fuck it! ;-)...

Moving from Kuwait back to DC. This was definitely a positive move. iLuv living in DC...have the best job in the world (and by that I mean, iGot the best boss and awesome co-workers...who could want more than that?)...granted job satisfaction isn't what it use to be, but oh well. As long as I like the people I work with and flexibility, I'm good!

I don't wanna forget that I am greatful for the new friends that I have in my life. Friendship is something that iLuv yet I seem to be guilty like a lot of people when I feel that it's 'out of sight, out of mind'. My real close friends (Chris & Tiff) live at belvoir, so seeing them is ALWAYS a pleasure! Frank and Brooksanne whom I've known since 12 live two blocks away from them. Real cool that I have those treasure 15miles away from me. Now to the DC District; Tuffie- I value the friendship we have and love that we can laugh/act silly bout the same stupid shit *MuAh*, Christian - You are sooo like the little brother I never had! We bullshit, talk, fight, give hugs...it's def a friendship I've not had with anyone but it's cool that we move forward past the drama n bullshit (you owe me lunch pendejo!). There are a lot of guys who've been impressionable (if that's such a word) to my life and I know over time I'll treasure those memories and allow you closer to my layers. I've made some good acquitances here since I've moved from Kuwait.

Moving back to grandma...She is officially moving to VA (Brooks, you got another republican). So the doctors have diagnosed her with Broken Heart syndrome. Basically, she's been living alone these past 4 years and recently lost her son and brother. This is very hard and she needs family. She is having trouble breathing and has difficulty walking. So now it is time to inventory the house, have her get out of the hospital, go to re-hab....two or three months later have a room setup in VA where she will be a part of the family.

She has to improve, otherwise....well she just has to improve. I think it will be great having her back in VA. As soon as she can move a tad quicker she will be able to help out around the house (so that she feels productive), make dinners and eventually go out to the library and Sr Center to play bridge and what not. So this will be happening sometime in 2009 and iHope I just hope it will be a better year that what 2008 has given us.

Ok, I'm sure i'll do anutha year wrap-up when that time comes...Oh shit! I forgot! Duh! I've been blogging for a year now! Damn...I've never done/kept up with a journal this long! iLuv it! w00t w00t! Be back in VA manana ~ c!a0

...back to Phoenix

************VENT BLOG******************
I swear one fuckin day I'm gonna be able to see family and know that it's not because someone is dead or in poor health. One day I'm gonna fly out to Phoenix 'just because' or LA 'just because'. 2008 has really fuckin sucked when it comes to the health department.

I'm not ready to lose my grandmother yet, but I do understand that it is a matter of time. I hate thinking that the hourglass is running against me...that the grains of sand are moving quicker and quicker! but what am I gonna do? I can't undo what's done. The only thing I can think of doing is fly over there, sit and be miserable in hopes of slowing down time.
***************END VENT*****************

Amazing Grace

One day before the election Barack Obama's grandmother leaves the Earth. It's poetic. She hung around until God called upon her. It reminds me of Charles Schulz and that he died the day before his last comic came out and he had announced his retirement.

I'm not very religious/spiritual. I actually mock organized religion for the fact that we have these groups of people that praise God and live by the word that generally for the most part practices peace and good towards mankind...YET for some reason, these groups of God loving peacekeepers have killed and killed and killed. I often wonder who's taken more lives; God or Cancer? Ok I'm digressing

I saw Barack Obama carry his speach in North Carolina after the news of his grandmother passing and when he spoke I saw a man who lost a loved one but let everyone know who she was and what she stood for. I couldn't help but shed a tear when I saw how strongly he spoke yet, the tears (something you can't control) rolled down his eyes.

I'm not a praying person (because I believe our destiny's are already mapped), but hope that his grandmother's soul is in a good place. That's all

Halloween Weekend

...you know iWoke up on Friday...my favorite holiday! Halloween! Were you get to dress up, be who you wanna be without the fear of being judged! iLuv Halloween! It was my favorite holiday growing up (cuz I gotta get the candy! It was all about that sugar rush!!!). This year I didn't feel like dressing up and wasn't going to. I was stumped...I missed my buddies in Kuwait and was thinkin about the past Halloweens and the good times that were had =)

I miss Princess, LuLu, Will, Kristy, and Company. iDo! I miss them a lot. So how often do I get Halloween on Fridays? Exactly! Anyways I had costumes rolling through my head...Stewie! I wanna be a Stewie! Well no good...where am I gonna find red overalls? I could just go to a costume store and pick out something lame....Eck! No good....so my friend Christina left her BDUs at my place and the magic (spark) came....HOLY FUCKBALLS! I was a gay soldier for four years!!!! Four fuckin years! It was time to rock the BDUs, DIRTY STYLE!

So I sported the new "Army of One" look, and since I'm not that humble I'll own it....I WAS FUCKIN HAUTE! ~:-P (...silly!) So for dinner I met up with Tuffie, Gary and Damon at Sticky Rice and wore my attire. Apparently this soldier was making a pig out of himself (*oink oink*) and shoved everything that wasn't bolted to the damn table in his mouth (again, oink oink!). Gary if you read my blogs, Domo Arigato for dinner babes! ^_^
I wanted to hit TOWN up that night and see peeps up in there costume. Tuff n Gary had a campin trip so they didn't make it leavin me ~s0Lo~. This limited my drinks but fuck it, I can have good times. So I met up with a couple of buddies and saw some hot costumes. My favorite costume there was PATSY!!! iLuv AB FAB! (BBC). Patsy & Edwena! OMG! If I find me a Patsy next year, I will drag...I will fuckin go as Edwina if someone goes as Patsy. I'm owning it (guys, this will be your ONLY opportunity to see me drag. Thats it! Nothing against drags, but its just not my style). So anyways I had an awesome halloween and made it back safely.

The next day, I went to Stafford to finally hang with my dad on his boat. Well it wasn't undocked, it smelled of gas and iDon't like boats anyways so getting on there and hopping right off I told him OK...I went on the damn boat. Done! So I hung out for a couple hours then saw my best friends chris and tiff. We were cravin mexican food...more so the chips n salsa. CHILI's! HooooooOOOOO! So we ate, it was delicious and then headed back to belvoir.

I met up with my amigos frank & brooks. We had another halloween party. Did not do the gay soldier costume again cuz ummmm yeah...belvoir might be like, WTF!??! So had tons to drink (Patron, Patron, Patron!) and met some new peeps to hang out with (MegHan! Luv Yahzz!)
Some drama happened that night, but that's not for me to post, I just hope they find the body (kidding). Hope everyone else had a kickass weekend! w00t w00t!