Right....so I decided yesterday that today will be my last session with Dr. Knep. I'm feeling it to be more of a drag and since therapy is suppose to be helpful and not a burden I've decided to let things be for now.
I can say that for the four months I have learned and (although not fully developed) planted a seed of knowledge to Mr. Sanchez...I've brought understanding and some enlightment towards my Love life and personal life. I am no longer the desparate mess I was back in November (and thank God for that! I hated listenin to that fuckin Tattoo song and bursting in tears, not understanding why my heart and head can't be N'sync). My heart and head may never ever get to where I want them to go. But if I can learn to look, crawl, walk, dance and then run I will have my life a TON easier when it comes to friendships and romance.
I'm going to buy a red ring and whenever I feel the urge to rush situations, take a look at it and play it cool. What else did I learn. Well...I'm still not great at this step. Talking about my feelings. I know and accept that people have different personalities and that if I don't explain what is going on in my head that my friends are not Nostradamus. I've learned that my feelings of guilt should be explored on a two way street (not just on Dirty St). There are so many more things to say but I'm going to withhold and focus on what/where I need to go next?
Finishing up my townhouse is a good start. Morning Jogs, coffee/lunch dates with friends, reading (pleasure or educational) before work....work, hit the gym and then go home. Friday or Saturday I will hit the SportRock gym up and climb.
Things in the future I'm looking forward to:
* A housewarming party
* BB visiting in May
* Turning 21 for the 7th time
* 3/4 day weekend in San Antonio, LA, San Fran or Biloxi
Friday night I'm thinkin of either scopin out the Haunting in Connecticut or 12 Rounds. Regal Potomac Yards. I can't believe it's only Tuesday...hurry the hell up Friday! LOL!
Showing posts with label therapy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label therapy. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Friday, January 16, 2009
Therapy & p90x
I luv thursdays. I usually think to myself on the drive home, what am I gonna talk about tomorrow? I can talk my "dream" and the challenges I face letting it go...I can talk about my taco night. Ooooh I can talk about the house and where I'm at on that.
So I get there and I sit down and we talk about last week, how I'm feeling. How my family is doing. I told him how disappointed I was on Saturday and that my feelings were hurt. In anycase I had an epiphany! And it was awesome. As much as I love myself (or at least started in 2008) my whole life I've always put my on a show and acted the way I want to be, but am not. I pretty much wear a mask and don't let those I want to get to know me better, get to know me better. They end up seeing this character and I put forth the energy to be that person.
It was awesome to see myself in that light and it was mutherfucking groundbreaking! I do it like 2nd nature! I sometimes don't know I'm doing it! But now that I've seen it, I'm gonna stand up to it! I'm gonna tell those I love and care about how I feel. I'm not gonna be mean, I will use tact. And if they care about me, like my true friends do then I have nothing to worry about.
They are friends because they want to be and that's beautiful because it's genuine! It's real. It's what I crave. We then talked about my dream. And he asked me if my "dream" were the clingy type, would I still love him. And I again was shocked about my answer. I told him No. I would still love him, but I could never live with him and would grow more and more distant from him. Wouldn't it be great if he was the clingy type tho? What would occupy my mind then? LOL! I guess it would just be myself, family and friends.
Ok, enuf about therapy. p90x! OMG! I thought day one was hard! I can't believe day 2 thought! SQUATS SQUATS SQUATS! OY! Well day 2 is done...88 to go! LOL! time for some food! Yum yum yum! ~c!a0
So I get there and I sit down and we talk about last week, how I'm feeling. How my family is doing. I told him how disappointed I was on Saturday and that my feelings were hurt. In anycase I had an epiphany! And it was awesome. As much as I love myself (or at least started in 2008) my whole life I've always put my on a show and acted the way I want to be, but am not. I pretty much wear a mask and don't let those I want to get to know me better, get to know me better. They end up seeing this character and I put forth the energy to be that person.
It was awesome to see myself in that light and it was mutherfucking groundbreaking! I do it like 2nd nature! I sometimes don't know I'm doing it! But now that I've seen it, I'm gonna stand up to it! I'm gonna tell those I love and care about how I feel. I'm not gonna be mean, I will use tact. And if they care about me, like my true friends do then I have nothing to worry about.
They are friends because they want to be and that's beautiful because it's genuine! It's real. It's what I crave. We then talked about my dream. And he asked me if my "dream" were the clingy type, would I still love him. And I again was shocked about my answer. I told him No. I would still love him, but I could never live with him and would grow more and more distant from him. Wouldn't it be great if he was the clingy type tho? What would occupy my mind then? LOL! I guess it would just be myself, family and friends.
Ok, enuf about therapy. p90x! OMG! I thought day one was hard! I can't believe day 2 thought! SQUATS SQUATS SQUATS! OY! Well day 2 is done...88 to go! LOL! time for some food! Yum yum yum! ~c!a0
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Unforgettable
...wow, i really don't have much to say. I don't feel like blogging but feel if I don't I will lose interest or something. Well let's see...therapy has been awesome. I've found different outlets other than my blogs and the gym to deal with my stress. As a matter of fact I'm blogging when I'm suppose to meditate for about 10 mins and chant positive words to myself. I've been given this task so that I can control my anxieties (can't i just be like brittney and pop a pill?). So I use meditation in the morning and whenever something that stresses me out pops in my head I focus on my breathing and acknowledge my thoughts but tell myself I'm focusing on whatever I am doing or breathing in and out. Bottomline, it's working and i'll be glad to let the guy know about these positive results.
Chunky Monkey - O...M...G! I think I've put on weight! I grabbed my face in the mirror and was like "ummmm....r we puttin on the holiday pounds right here?!?!?!". I need to up the cardio in my life and then at work continue using the gym.
Oh! I mentioned the p90x stuff, right? Well I just ordered it all to come in. I'm very excited to do this Jan 1st (or 3rd is when I get back from Hawaii) - April 3rd shots. It is gonna be FUCKIN FABULOUS! I may have to cut down on drinks or maybe more so me fags ~:-(
But yeah I've got some words of encouragement on facebook and will keep myself motivated and show off the results in April. FLAUNT IT DIRTY! FLAUNT IT! LOL! <-- Attention Whore
Ok for someone who didn't feel like typing I think I made a good dent. If I miss this thing after christmas I will be in Hawaii and will blog about that.
Cheers!
Chunky Monkey - O...M...G! I think I've put on weight! I grabbed my face in the mirror and was like "ummmm....r we puttin on the holiday pounds right here?!?!?!". I need to up the cardio in my life and then at work continue using the gym.
Oh! I mentioned the p90x stuff, right? Well I just ordered it all to come in. I'm very excited to do this Jan 1st (or 3rd is when I get back from Hawaii) - April 3rd shots. It is gonna be FUCKIN FABULOUS! I may have to cut down on drinks or maybe more so me fags ~:-(
But yeah I've got some words of encouragement on facebook and will keep myself motivated and show off the results in April. FLAUNT IT DIRTY! FLAUNT IT! LOL! <-- Attention Whore
Ok for someone who didn't feel like typing I think I made a good dent. If I miss this thing after christmas I will be in Hawaii and will blog about that.
Cheers!
Sunday, November 23, 2008
AZ on hold (weekend)
New things in Life:
* My grandma moving to VA
* Therapy
* House Hunting
* Apt Hunting
* Guy Fishing
Ok so I thought that this weekend was gonna be a total 'CODE BLUE! CODE BLUE!' (this is not a drill)...I thought my grandma who was close to life support two weeks ago was ready to fly to VA. She's done some amazing recovery, but her doc won't let her fly for at least four weeks and then he'll check up with her. So she's counting the days down till she moves to VA. I was cramming family time this friday thinking that after Friday that was it...they will be stressed out and the seas won't be calm/settle till some time. Anywho, that is not the case. We def have time to prep for my grandma's arrival which RoCkS!
Therapy...initial consult went well. The guy didn't tell me to jump out his window head first and actually wants to continue to link up. So that's great! We just went over my history from childhood and I let my crazies out slowly...don't wanna scare him just yet :)
I won't see him this comin thursday cuz of turkey n stuff but i'm really lookin forward to that next visit n stuff =)
House Hunting- I must admit that I do like house hunting (till my ADHD kicks in). I like lookin at the architecture of a house and how the inside is setup. And then of course visioning walls knocked out and addin other cool stuff. So I went up to Lorton with my mom and saw this massive house. It looked nice, except they used plastic shelving and crap in the closets. That was lame and also the house was in a new housing development (Ugh! Little boxes on the hillside...little boxes made of tic...)
Apt Hunting - Well my sis wants to get outta springfield, so I'm lookin at diff apts in Arlington (townhome style) that has at least 3 floors, 2BR and 2 full baths. I'm hopin a bitchin deal comes up in the windgate community (cuz tha place is fückin fabül0us!)
Guy Fishing - Man...Heh! This sport would be real fun if I didn't have to be the asshole that says "Who did you come with? Oh well u should go find them". People should just be like "hey it was cool talkin wit you...i'm gonna walk around. Here's my number if you wanna shoot the shit sometime". Now THAT is whats up! But after clingy spice left iDid say hi to this guy who's been eyeballin me fo a minute. He seems cute so we'll see whats up.
Hope everyone has a good thanksgivin and enjoys their family ~ c!a0
* My grandma moving to VA
* Therapy
* House Hunting
* Apt Hunting
* Guy Fishing
Ok so I thought that this weekend was gonna be a total 'CODE BLUE! CODE BLUE!' (this is not a drill)...I thought my grandma who was close to life support two weeks ago was ready to fly to VA. She's done some amazing recovery, but her doc won't let her fly for at least four weeks and then he'll check up with her. So she's counting the days down till she moves to VA. I was cramming family time this friday thinking that after Friday that was it...they will be stressed out and the seas won't be calm/settle till some time. Anywho, that is not the case. We def have time to prep for my grandma's arrival which RoCkS!
Therapy...initial consult went well. The guy didn't tell me to jump out his window head first and actually wants to continue to link up. So that's great! We just went over my history from childhood and I let my crazies out slowly...don't wanna scare him just yet :)
I won't see him this comin thursday cuz of turkey n stuff but i'm really lookin forward to that next visit n stuff =)
House Hunting- I must admit that I do like house hunting (till my ADHD kicks in). I like lookin at the architecture of a house and how the inside is setup. And then of course visioning walls knocked out and addin other cool stuff. So I went up to Lorton with my mom and saw this massive house. It looked nice, except they used plastic shelving and crap in the closets. That was lame and also the house was in a new housing development (Ugh! Little boxes on the hillside...little boxes made of tic...)
Apt Hunting - Well my sis wants to get outta springfield, so I'm lookin at diff apts in Arlington (townhome style) that has at least 3 floors, 2BR and 2 full baths. I'm hopin a bitchin deal comes up in the windgate community (cuz tha place is fückin fabül0us!)
Guy Fishing - Man...Heh! This sport would be real fun if I didn't have to be the asshole that says "Who did you come with? Oh well u should go find them". People should just be like "hey it was cool talkin wit you...i'm gonna walk around. Here's my number if you wanna shoot the shit sometime". Now THAT is whats up! But after clingy spice left iDid say hi to this guy who's been eyeballin me fo a minute. He seems cute so we'll see whats up.
Hope everyone has a good thanksgivin and enjoys their family ~ c!a0
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