ahhhh where to jib n jab today

GOOD MORNING WORLD

It's february and I'm still on the red carpet waving away my 20s. 30s is gonna be all about self-improvement. I've taken the baby steps of owning who I am but there is something I haven't chipped away yet and I'm afraid to let it go.

MY IMAGe
Am I walking down the catwalk in jeans and a no name brand t-shirt or am I walking down in this fabulous outfit brought to you Nordstroms? It's hard to say but when I look back at my pics I didn't care what I wore and part of me thinks *UGH! Fashion victim!* what a mess! And the other part is like....that's real!
So I guess maybe a good thing to do would be compromise. Real friends will like you for being you. Be real with yourself and when you can accept that person you'll find this confidence n swag about you that will attract the right kind of guy who will be into you and not this image you work hard to portray

Single
This part has concerned me for a while. I hafta love myself fully before sharing this guy with someone else. My other issue is wanting what I can't have. Someone who wants to give themselves to me doesn't interest me yet oddly when I see a guy playing hard to get I play the role of throwin myself at them (not hardcore tho...i'm not dense). I'm not the guy that likes to hookup. I would honestly rather have something solid and real in life. I worked my butt off in life and would love nothing more than to have someone that compliments my personality to share it with. I have these male figures who have made impressions on my life and hurt me. And we all know the pain a heart goes through...imagine not having those feelings until you hit 27! I got sooo much catching up and maturing in this area to do. Marlon was the first man I ever intimately loved and had feelings for. I could still picture him as my superman. Darrell took the other piece of my heart and after reading my blogs and seeing how although I was rejected but still kept him for sex I can't blame him for my immature actions. I knew what I wanted, it wasn't available so I set out to hurt him like he hurt me. P!nk describes this situation PERFECTLY!!!

Four days of personnel hell of after saying I LOVE YOU to have nothing...no hug, no communication. Just family there to pick me up. He hurt the hell out of me...more so I hurt myself because I could not come to terms with reality. I've cut guys out of my life no problem...I thought I had lost that part of my personality but Marlon helped me find it when I cut him out of life (update - We talk, we're better friends now that I've accepted the reality of friendship. The feeling is that of a calm lake in a volcano lol! And I feel that the only person that can make this volcano erupt is me, so it takes a little bit of energy to focus on other things in life so that I don't go there). Back to Darrell and how mean and nasty I decided to be...for the pain the TRUE PAIN i went through for four days and missing my birthday I used the powers of manipulation and my mean side to basically bake a FUCK YOU cake. I showed excitement and commitment to being at his promotion ceremony and on the day it happened bailed out on that. That took care of the "not being there" / birthday issue. Last item...my broken heart. I can't break someone's heart who doesn't love me...so when I saw his ex of 10years at TOWN and he told me that I was with his man during the time they were together I had to pause. Here it was...in a pretty box and bow! Do I take the bait? Yes! The last item on the list...befriend the ex and tell him what he wanted to know. The ex used that information and it got back to him (months later but it hit). Dealing with an ex you may or may not have feelings, but dealing with an ex and hearing what you told what you thought was a good friend personal information was enough or as far as I was going to push for a jab at his heart. I made a promise that I would never go after his career and because I made that promise I kept it (and I'm glad I did! Karmas a bitch and I don't want that coming back to me).

Darrell - I've never EVER gone soo far or worked so hard to hurt someone. I now after writing it out and reading how immature, spiteful, vindictive I was feel remorse and am very and truly sorry from the bottom of my now unbroken heart....I'm leaving shit like this behind me...as part of my 20s. I didn't know how to let go..I'm there now. You deserved some of it for being an asshole but I was the bigger and meaner asshole and I need to find a different way to vent. Never in my life did I think I could truly "unlove" or maybe this too is a calm lake in a volcano. But in the end I'm sooo sorry papo and hope that if you can't forgive me that you accept my apology. I promise (and I keep those) that I will NEVER ever hurt you like that again. It's history and will remain that way.

These were the big ones in my life. M & D.

Reese has a piece of my heart now! And she is in a playful mood...time to end this blog, Dirty

Finally got my answer...Winter trumps Summer

As much as I love getting warm days in winter I've finally got my list of my favorite holidays. Autumn has always been my favorite holiday and one year I'll find a place where it exists longer than two weeks (*gripe*). Spring falls next to Autumn because temperatures fall in the same scope, but less holidays in Spring.
Until now winter/summer were tied because both were miserable seasons (too hot or cold). NOT ANYMORE!

Although I gain weight in the winter *GROSS* I've decided that winter can actually compete with spring and take second place! Well think about it...How many days off do I get in the winter?
Xmas - Off
NYE - Off
MLK - Off
Presidents Day - Off
Snow Days (Telework....Off!)

Summer:
4th of July - Off
Labor day (astrological) - Off

I've never seen OPM give a delay or day off from being too hot. And I get a grim reminder on the 27th that my ass is getting ol...nly YOUNGE ;)
Summer also sucks cause bugs exist. I HATE BUGS!!! BAH! They die in fall and rarely are seen in winter (YESSSSS!!!!!)

Negatives of winter: Weight gain, more prone to get sick (flu season) and quite frankly a sick day is more time off *w00t w00t! I'm onna roll!!!*

So as I bitch about the cold mornings and snow on the road I must remember how I just LOOOOOOOVE having me time!

~ thats all

A clean getaway

I'm a pretty giving person. I like to help others out and give and like the feeling of generosity. That being said I HATE IT when people take from me. It's a huge pet peeve...and it can be over the smallest thing too! Sooo yess! That's what the pic is about. I got a guy at work who comes over to my desk and touches things of mine (and no u dirty birdies, get your mind out of the gutter). He'll grab my coke zeros, water, muscle milk (*giggity*), pretzels,...etc! And it bothers me, but I try to sweep it under the rug and have him focus on why he's in my area.

So today I had ta sneeze, grabbed a kleenex...where is my hand sanitizer??? It's always on my desk, maybe I put it away in my cabinet. Noooo...hmmmmm. So on his desk I see it there. My eyes popped! OOoooooh helllz nah!!!!

So I grabbed it and put it back on my desk. When he came in I said, "Hey if you need to use the hand sanitizer take a squeeze but leave it at my desk". He said he thought he brought one from home, but that he didn't take mine.
.....
..........
*....blink blink....*
..........
.....
I couldn't follow up with anything after that! The only thought going through my head was OJ saying "I did not kill my wife, the knife did".

So now I gotta lock my stuff up at night. What foul rubbish! These muthafuckers are six figga niggaz! Go buy ur own shit and leave my station alone! Unless it's work related *ahem* KISS MY ASS n STAY AWAY.

Ok...I'm done venting...we all have these people in life. I'm almost tempted to bring some type of water mixed with a clear ex-lax. I'll know which bottles to stay away from, but God forbid I have a bad day and don't then the shits on me (no pun intended). The wheels are definitely spinning in my head though but it's almost like cutting people off that drive slow in the fast lane with the mentality "That'll teach'em"....These dumb fucks still get on the road and do the same shit everyday. Now this doesn't pertain to the people who drive like maniacs in the fast lane. Clearly you potential state troopers/Nascar drivers know what you're doing and as long as you don't crash and have people rubbernecking, do your thing!

Ok, I've digressed. Back to the jerk who "doesn't" steal...if anyone knows voodoo and wouldn't mind sending me a how-to guide with a doll and several pins (if push-pins aren't acceptable) I'd like to focus on this guys hands. I'm just going with the arabic practice of let the punishment fit the crime. I won't cut it...I just wanna jab it a few times. HAPPY FRIDAY ALL!

Sprained AC joint

BAH! Well i went to the docs today and got my shoulder x-rayed from this weekend. Didju know that they xray you that day and 30seconds later show you the pic?!? *MAGIC*...So nothing damaged (YAY!) just got a couple patches and was told to suck it up. I should be good in two weeks he said. Two weeks of no lifting?!? That is IMPOSSIBLE!!!!! Well legs and abs are gonna love these next few days I suppose. Anywho speaking of gym I haven't seen gym since OMG a week now! I can't believe it! I feel like a sludge! Eck!

Ok I gotta write LuLu for Hawaii...tell her what's good :-)

Weekend getaway

Wheeeee....this weekend I went up to McHenry, MD to meet a group of 28 guys and have good times. It was about $170 p/person, plus food and alcohol. I picked up my boi Max and we headed out there. I got me some North Face pants, a new coat and snow shoes. I looked fabulous! I didn't make it tubing the first day but that was all good cuz by the time I got there it was cold and I was ready to see the house.

The house was huge and plentiful on space. I wasn't pleased with the sleeping arrangements, but whatevs...I was there to have fun and sleep would be secondary.
Cuddled with my buddies, went tubing the next day...A LOT of pix on facebook and that was it. I loved tubing as you can see. It was megaFUN and I wanna play again.

I tore my shoulder the first day from horseplaying. Well there was an attempt to throw me in the pool, I had my iphone on me and decided to drop myself to the floor and push the guy in. He got wet and I got a dry iphone with a sore shoulder. Nooot cool, but I'm not buying another phone LOL!

I'm back at work now, sick sick sick. I'm not giving a 100% to my job right now and haven't worked out in 5 days. UghhhH! I feel gross! Oh well, gotta get better then back into the groove of things. Hurry up Friday! SAVE ME!!!!!!

Recipe for catastrophe? I think not!

Sooo long day from work and a hard workout at the gym I did NOT feel like cooking. So I ordered 2 medium light cheese/sauce thin crust pies from Dominos. Open the fridge and shooooooot! I defrosted meat two days ago!!! ;,,,-(. Well I nuked the fish and ate that with steam broc. Not bad. Now for the beef and turkey patties (roughly 2.25lbs of meat) I sooo don't wanna cook these. I could mix the two together and make a meatloaf? That's cool! If it sucks, I'll dump it and won't loose feel like I'm wasting food! Sooo creating my own meatloaf recipe.




Well first we need ketchup. Ketchup is a sugar. We like sweet meatloaf. So let's also add Ginger and two tbsp of strawberry jam. Cool! Breadcrumbs. We need that. Bout a cup will do. No eggs. Hmmm cup of low fat mozzarella cheese will stick the loaf. Spices we need dry onion soup mix, and Thai chili spice (surprisingly i didn't use garlic!!!). Bake in a cold oven at 350 for an hour and a half. Let cool in oven. And serve. I thought it came out pretty tasty! I'll have my dad sample tomorrow And let u know if I was being generous. Not bad for on the fly cooking :-)


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Curse u Jack Frost!

Not enough snow fall to delay work but just enough for me to take time out of my cold cold morning to shovel before it ices and race to work. If our prime contactor wasn't coming in today I'd show up in jeans!

Alkie update: I've had a shot of patron and beer so far in over 3weeks. Still surviving. I'll prolly miss Facebook more than alcohol. Yea I'm def cutting back on that. I told a friend of mine to update his status with this to commemorate binary day:

010000100110010100100000011100110111010101110010011001
010010000001110100011011110010000001100100011100100110
100101101110011010110010000001111001011011110111010101
110010001000000100111101110110011000010110110001110100

01101001011011100110010100101110

Yes I'm such a geek @_@

Ok I'm seriously procrastinating gettin outta bed. Been reading my blogs from day one to current. U know it's real cool to see how u were years ago and how things turned out. Gotta go to work.

Ridin dirty! (not south style)


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